While in the shower this morning that voice that seems to get stimulated when you are cleansing yourself from the day before preparing to the day ahead, that voice, the voice that comes to you in the silence, not the neighbors voice from the shared wall in the bathroom. Your voice taking to you, sometime he is the gremlin chattering in you head about all the “failure” or “not enough” you know, the coulda, woulda, you shoulda done this or this or this. Well we are here now so none of the applies here.
The shower voice said, ” You’re hiding. You have been hiding since your left Easton Mt and returned home to NJ. Not just while you where caring for your mother, not while you were grieving for her and Riley, not since you became to elder generation, not since you seemed to have disappointed people who were close to you or they disappointed you by not showing up as authentic as you thought they were.”
During those times you managed to move forward, to show up, to get everyday living opportunities to assist you, you continued to do your practice of spiritual reading and morning pages in some form or another. You walked everyday with Muffin and took photo’s while building a new life for yourself. Not bad, you accomplished activities on your own, continued to share your work with galleries, exhibition, on your Redbubble site.
Than Muffin was gone and I had no excuse to really go out anymore, oh sure you did for a while yet slowing those moments got to be less and less, those walks a bit boring, same old, same old. Five months ago, I stopped doing my morning pages and the reading of inspiring tracts to stimulate the emotional/spiritual sense of who I am. I thought I wanted more or I needed more. More what I didn’t know. The practice was no longer effective in many ways. Reading inspiring language is a powerful experience when you can place them in action in your daily life. My life was just me.
Yes life still goes on, I continue to find ways to self improve through healthy eating by preparing meals from scratch, I have fallen in love with food blogs, I continue to discover how I can show up in the world even when I can hardly afford to show up in the world. A year and half ago I began to incorporate essential oils into my daily life while also learning how EO’s work with the body, mind, and spirit while improving all around health. I was uncomfortable for a while sharing this with other, so I researched, I watched video’s, I attended on-line Essential oil classes, social network seminars, pod cast, etc. Once again I have knowledge and wisdom about something I believe in yet the fear jumps in the way.
For many years I have sought to share what I know, and I don’t know anymore than many other people, What I sought to accomplish is to guide and coach people into a fully integrated way of living. Seeking to do so and believing I could are two separate actions.
I am I a good enough example, are my life experiences and story interesting enough for people to seek me out for advice/guidance? Do people believe in me? Will they believe in me? Sometimes you just have to jump off the ledge, you have to let go of the and enjoy the roller coaster ride! I am going off the ledge, I have shooting around the next bend on the ride called life.
Was I hiding or preparing? Is there a difference ?
the reluctant bloger 
Paul,
Thank you so much Paul!
I wrote and published with I thought was not expectation. Ha ha! Yet I just had to get started once again, you know how that is.
With the photography as a friend said to me back when I started just keep taking picture, practice, practice, practice.
The important thing to remember is we are not just one thing. We have natural talents to do certain things yet still we have to learn and again practice.
((Hugs))
Jeff
I like that image of being on a roller coaster and shooting around the next bend on the ride called life Jeff! I am not sure I can tell the difference between hiding and preparing…. Unless you are already and hesitate to step up. But the levels of ready are more than physical so sometimes I think we have to pause for other levels to prepare – the emotional and spiritual. I sometimes use a rather silly little game to inch myself forward. It goes like this, what is one thing, no matter how small, that I can do today that will take me closer to my intention/vision/goal?
Sometime the answer is so tiny that I wonder if it will count. But I find in the process of asking everyday that little by little I gain traction. Your post Jeff reminds me of one of those times. All the best as always and gorgeous photographs!
Yes Terrill, that one little action each day does move us forward even when we think it does not.
There are a few moments or intentions in which I have hesitated because I thought I was not ready. Yet ready or not there are actions that just need to be taken.
Thank you for the response!
I’ve long appreciated that voice that comes in the shower. One of the most effective in my own life. Happy to see a blog from you today.
Hi Deb, Thank you for commenting today, always glad to hear from you! The trick is the move into action when the shower voice speaks, or wherever those illuminations come.
There is a bit of both Hiding and Preparing. Sometimes we have to go within while going without to reach the next level of action/awareness !
PS – maybe your think hiding but I side with preparing. Just adding my two cents.
Wish it was possible to edit typos. Oh well.
A wonderful, thought-provoking post, Jeff.
On my 3-month writing sabbatical I am hiding AND preparing.
Yes Laurie you are doing just that. Thank you so much for you visit during your sabbatical time!
Because I love deep blues and greens the last photo gave me so much pleasure to see. I love how the earthy colors of the bud are resting on a bed of soft blue-green.
Life can certainly be a roller coaster ride. Sometimes all we can do is hang on to our hats and enjoy the ride. But if we can get off and hide once in a while it gives us time to look at the bigger picture. Somehow that makes all the difference.
Barbara,
Ah yes that photo is one of my favorites right now too! I am so glad you enjoyed it!!
Yes life is always a discovery and I don’t think we are to stay “content” in one place for a long time…
Hide if you want to my sweet , we all do . Prepare if you wish , we all do that too. You are doing fine , you’ve had many losses , look after yourself …above all get out in the spring weather makes you feel better💫💫
Cherryx
Cherry,
Thank you ! Yes maybe the words restore and rejuvenate more appropriate. I get out as often as I can and desire too !
Glad you stopped by!
I think I know what you mean. There is a big difference between hiding and preparing, although sometimes we can’t tell the difference until our “coming out,” until we do the thing we have been preparing ourselves, unknown to us, to do, whether to write or paint or begin a relationship or start a business. Sometimes we need the dark, static times of hibernation to become who we were meant to be. I’m glad I found your blog, through Terrill this morning.
Deborah,
Thank you for journeying over to The Reluctant Bloger! Yes I am about to announce the launch of a health and wellness business, for I have done all I can do of study and research now it is time to put it all into practice.