Discovery of new paths through old journeys

Sunset at Easton Mt

“You are in love with a mystery. You trust it and go on and on moving deeper into its heart of light.” Andrew Harvey

I kept hearing go find Gay Soul: Finding The Heart of Gay Spirit and Nature, interviews by Mark Thompson. I could not sit still until I found the book which is part of my library or chaos that is my room. I opened the page where an old card marked something I had left of reading sometime back. In this section Mark Thompson is interviewing Andrew Harvey ! Andrew is considered a mystic and a man who journey I much admire, his passion, his language, is love/passion of finding the spiritual path through the Divine Mother and Divine Father. In the section I opened to Mark is asking Andrew “Do you think that gay men need as much equilibrium or honest relationship with the Divine Father?

Andrew answers in his powerful passionate voice:

Yes, but the real father, not the psychotic vision of him. In my own healing journey, it was very important that I come across the divine and sacred male. Only I couldn’t find him in our own culture until Tibetan teacher Thuksey Rinpoche showed me just what a complete being a realized man could be. By having my heart, mind, and soul broken open by him, I was initiated into the sacred man in myself. This enable me to claim my maleness, something that I found hard to do in the West because up to then I associated what maleness I had with the maleness I found bleak and cruel in the men around me. Experience of the Divine Mother led me slowly out of the shadow of the “false” father into the light of the real one. This is a pilgrimage all modern men need to make.”

Lower Pond Easton Mt

Why was it important to find this book, read and share the above quote, I am not certain at the moment. It is part of me path, a path of re-discovery of who I am and what my life and relationships mean to me. My desire to find the authentic male, lead me to Easton Mt Retreat Center, were I was opened up, to myself and to the men around me. I was wounded emotionally by my need to belong, to find and be in a community of gay men who were discovering, uncovering their path as well. Yet after the honeymoon wore off, I was confronted at almost every step with men who acted like men that were guarded, cruel, lost in their own self-awareness, and not the men in touch with the maleness or even their feminine. Strange thing is that Easton Mt Retreat Center sits in a bowl of small hills, and it so wet, with water running down into its center to the ponds and ground that is one of the most feminine natural places I have ever lived. One would think the peace, calmness would abound, and it does to those who come to retreat, yet it seems those who have lived there at the time I did, where not experiencing that. This is my thoughts and observation, none of this maybe true, other than to my experience within that space, time and events.

My Cabin April 2007

This experience informs me of who I am today, the healing I am doing is from within those experiences of embracing the Sacred Mother, and searching the Sacred Father that I walked through and lived in my brokenness. That pain developed into the ongoing relationship I have with nature and photography. I was given the gift of Reiki Healing, as well as erotic  healing, my two companions Riley and Muffin and their teaching of unconditional Love.

Why am I revisiting this now, how many times have I wrote this? How many times have I forgiven them and myself yet I still feel the sadness, the tightness in my Solar Plexus, and literally have to breathe through it all to continue. Is there something undone, forgiven ? More work needs to be done I see, offering and honoring gifts and healing to myself and that event? This is not clear, maybe I am healing and this is just the challenge to continue to walk confidently in the directions of my dreams…

Spring Snow April 2007

Thus I have journeyed these paths, experienced these events, opportunities to burn away, heal, gather, grow to map and share my story, which of course is not over, is ever unfolding.

Growth Question: Are you in love with the mystery? Is your story unfolding in the light?

I am Love, Jeff

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10 thoughts on “Discovery of new paths through old journeys”

  1. “Lower Pond Easton Mt” is my favorite photograph. I can’t select a favorite comment or passage as they all had equal resonance with me today. Another beautiful post, Jeff — thank you.

    Growth Question: Are you in love with the mystery? Is your story unfolding in the light?

    Yes, I am in love with the msytery. And as much as I enjoy “knowing,” I enjoy “Not Knowing” equally well.

    Like a flower, the petals of my story unfold in the Light every single day.

    1. Laurie,

      “Lower Pond” is one of my favorites too, one of my fortes for a while was photographing through things to create a frame and view what is on the other side! My business cards have the same type of photograph!

      I am glad you are living in the mystery and Loving it!

      I am Love, Jeff

  2. Thanks for sharing a big part of your journey.

    Growth Question: Are you in love with the mystery? Is your story unfolding in the light?

    I am so in love with the mystery of light and so intuned to the spiritual. I have unfortunately found unconscious ways to turn the lights out and use the dimmer switch.
    I am now, more than ever before, finding that divine love deep down inside that I never even cotemplated before. It always seemed like I was always in a mode of downing myself rather than looking deep witin my heart to discern, truly discern. I guess better late than never. I usually saw myself as the one in the background, the one that did not need any acolades or praise. I guess I somehow thought others were one step ahead in grades, money, love, praise, IQ, and the list goes on.

    Today I actually went somewhere I have not been in 36 years! One of my best friends from 7th grade has a business sewing. I thought I would contact her on facebook. Next thing I knew I was ordering a blanket for Mike, Minnesota Twins Baseball, and talking with her on the phone.Wow what a throwback…..It was like we never left each other, we kept talking about a dozen different subjects to try to catch up on so many years. She is near the same neighborhood that I left so long ago.

    I just started reading
    ” Uncoveringthe Divine Within, A Journey of Self Love by Kerrie Kannan…….Just what I need right now I believe>

    Kim

    1. Kim,

      You are not in the background of anything, you are in the circle of life, fully present, asking the deeper questions, traveling your path within the shinning light…
      Keep my up to date on your reading of Uncovering the Divine within!

      I am Love, Jeff

  3. Jeff, you ask why you are revisiting this, and experiencing the same responses as other times you have visited with this; of course, I cannot answer that but there is unfinished business and something comes to mind about forgiveness. Your reaction is the same meaning that something about your experience is still hooking you into repetition. Perhaps you heard the words to find the book because it is time to forgive and let it go. I do not know what you need to forgive or let go of; I only know that what you describe is similar to someone who has suffered a trauma of sorts and every time the revisit the memory, their reaction is the same; this goes on until they change their perception of the memory (some people call this forgiveness).

    To answer the growth question, yes, I am in love with the mystery of our existence and each moment I am aware is another moment that the mystery both deepens and reveals.

    1. Barbara,

      Part of why I am asking this question and revisiting this path is yes there is some forgiveness that still needs to be accomplished. How, when, and where is the next question.
      I think the call to read those passages was to open this research and or study or claim my maleness as a sacred part of me once again. It seems I am surrounded by inspiring, powerful women once again, which is a beautiful gift. yet my life seems to lack that male circle, the sacred male circle. Maybe this is for my blog/pages today!

      Thank you for your comments, caused me to rethink this topic.

      I am Love, Jeff

  4. Jeff your journey and revisiting to study or claim your sacred maleness has me musing about how important this work is both for self and for the greater good. I wish you well on your journey of discovery and connection.

    Growth question: I am not sure I have ever been separated or out of love with life’s mystery. I am a curious-cat by personality and I hope that I can keep my balance of light energy as long as I live. I sometimes stay with and go deep into dark places of doubt, anger and fear – feeling them fully and then releasing fully. I had this experience yesterday when an elected body made what appeared to me as a short-sighted decision. I was in a place of disbelief and shock for about 3 hours. I even resort to a short private rant… then it slipped away, a moment in time and this is the next moment again filled with mystery and possibility. Will I revisit my disillusionment – yes likely, as it will become part of determining what to do next. But the fire will be out and it will hold no barbs to poke me. It will only be “a happening” to learn from.

  5. Terrill,

    You are correct and the musing is what it is about as I replied to Barbara K. is that it must be time to open this path again in a conscious way to not only view but Be in Balance with the Sacred Feminine/Masculine or at least authentic in that experience. If that makes sense? It seems to be where I need to go with a blog and other journeying!

    Great response to the Growth Q! Again what I experience is awareness, and balance. Every moment is a moment to “learn” from!!!
    Thank you for visiting “The Reluctant Bloger”

    I am Love, Jeff

  6. Jeff, I’ve been missing your posts so I decided to click on “random post” and visit an older one, which led me here. Definitely in love with the mystery – learning about and accepting not-knowing was a primary task of my young adulthood – when I was a teenager I believed that all questions must have an answer. I did not know the blessings of uncertainty and doubt until I got into my 30s. Thanks for sharing part of your own journey in the light here.

    Sunset at Easton Mt is breathtaking!

    1. Barbara,

      Wow! Good of you to stop by again, to revisit, to comment. Maybe I should to that as well? Could be an the nudge I need to write/post once again?
      The Sunset’s at Easton are almost always amazing! Thank you!

      I can’t believe I started posted way back here! 2010

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