Suddenly I seemed to have awakened once again from dancing with shadows only to arrive here now. Into a normal day, if Saturdays are ever normal, Holy Saturday in fact, of the Easter/Passover weekend. The weekend is also in high vibrational shift astronomically with the Second of three Eclipse in the year, over a full Moon.
I have been artistically block or shut down, I kept making photo, I kept at the creative work yet it was feeling numb about most of what I was doing, when I was doing it.
Just now I came in from a photography walk with Muffin, our first walk of the day, I was feeling excited and thrilled to have gone out to make photos this morning, which begun out the apartment windows. The clouds and light was just magnificent among the cityscape I could no longer resist. I had not real subject in mind when headed out the door with zoom lens attached, I knew it would be useful if the water fowl were about or whatever else came across my vision.
The excitement of what I felt was a welcomed friend, I knew that I just was in the process of creation, whether there are any good photos among these shots it really matters not. The essence is that process happen out of pure joy of Being present in the world. I was not escaping from anything, I was not seeking anything, I was just following my bliss.
I am not sure I conveyed the experience or the relief properly, my objective was to make a statement “that the path has opened up for me once again”
I was not looking for the moment, I was not trying to make something happen, Suddenly It and I was there! Suddenly the recognition was there, that Ah Ha Moment! Pure pure Bliss!!
May is a month of gratitude and celebration of the feminine
aspect of God
God the Mother
who creates and nurtures all things, including ourselves.
The beauty of May draws us out of hibernation into natural mindfulness of the blessings and abundance of nature. Gratitude and mindfulness are intimately related, for as we practice gratitude we come more aware, more present.
We wake up.
Spring calls us to simplify our lives so the we can enjoy everything more thoroughly and graciously– our relationships, our homes, our possessions.
In May our hearts remember what our minds sometimes forget–
Life is a gift of inestimable value.
It is time to unwrap that gift.
Listen to the voices of the Ancient Ones as they speak from within the heart of the quickening earth:
Bear cubs play in the sun,
grazing on the new growth that Earth Mother has provided.
The simple pleasures of spring rain,
opening buds and new moons
draw us out of worried mind
into celebration of Divine Mind.
The Archangel Uriel and the
energies of the East
tutor us in the art
and the sacrament
Since I was a child in the month of May I created an altar to the Blessed Mother, and was very attracted to the idea of honoring the Mother, I did not truly understand than what I know now of the balancing of the feminine and masculine energies. For than the separation was more far apart, to me yet closer than I understood. I was born of the feast day of the Assumption, August 15, a day to honor the Virgin’s assumption into heaven, that she was brought body and soul to heaven. In the belief of that caused even more separation. Bringing the Divine feminine fully present in this world is a powerful tool of healing, a powerful experience as Andrew Harvey states that the Divine Mother is saying, “Bring everything into balance, marry the opposites within you.” He goes on to explain “that means bring the derided and negated feminine into the picture so completely that the real balance is established between yin and yang. And out of that real and mysterious balance a new order, a new love, is born in each of us in the ground of our being…”
So I give you my offering of gratitude to Our Divine Mother better late then not at all. Andrew Harvey describes the Divine Mother as “the mother aspect of the nature of God. I see “Her” as the power of love that infuses the entire creation, the force that is continually creating the creation and also the transcendence that holds the creation forever in arms of light. Everything is born from “Her” and “She” loves all things with Tender passionate Love.”
Growth Question: How do you Honor the Divine Mother in your Life?
“You are in love with a mystery. You trust it and go on and on moving deeper into its heart of light.” Andrew Harvey
I kept hearing go find Gay Soul: Finding The Heart of Gay Spirit and Nature, interviews by Mark Thompson. I could not sit still until I found the book which is part of my library or chaos that is my room. I opened the page where an old card marked something I had left of reading sometime back. In this section Mark Thompson is interviewing Andrew Harvey ! Andrew is considered a mystic and a man who journey I much admire, his passion, his language, is love/passion of finding the spiritual path through the Divine Mother and Divine Father. In the section I opened to Mark is asking Andrew “Do you think that gay men need as much equilibrium or honest relationship with the Divine Father?
Andrew answers in his powerful passionate voice:
Yes, but the real father, not the psychotic vision of him. In my own healing journey, it was very important that I come across the divine and sacred male. Only I couldn’t find him in our own culture until Tibetan teacher Thuksey Rinpoche showed me just what a complete being a realized man could be. By having my heart, mind, and soul broken open by him, I was initiated into the sacred man in myself. This enable me to claim my maleness, something that I found hard to do in the West because up to then I associated what maleness I had with the maleness I found bleak and cruel in the men around me. Experience of the Divine Mother led me slowly out of the shadow of the “false” father into the light of the real one. This is a pilgrimage all modern men need to make.”
Why was it important to find this book, read and share the above quote, I am not certain at the moment. It is part of me path, a path of re-discovery of who I am and what my life and relationships mean to me. My desire to find the authentic male, lead me to Easton Mt Retreat Center, were I was opened up, to myself and to the men around me. I was wounded emotionally by my need to belong, to find and be in a community of gay men who were discovering, uncovering their path as well. Yet after the honeymoon wore off, I was confronted at almost every step with men who acted like men that were guarded, cruel, lost in their own self-awareness, and not the men in touch with the maleness or even their feminine. Strange thing is that Easton Mt Retreat Center sits in a bowl of small hills, and it so wet, with water running down into its center to the ponds and ground that is one of the most feminine natural places I have ever lived. One would think the peace, calmness would abound, and it does to those who come to retreat, yet it seems those who have lived there at the time I did, where not experiencing that. This is my thoughts and observation, none of this maybe true, other than to my experience within that space, time and events.
This experience informs me of who I am today, the healing I am doing is from within those experiences of embracing the Sacred Mother, and searching the Sacred Father that I walked through and lived in my brokenness. That pain developed into the ongoing relationship I have with nature and photography. I was given the gift of Reiki Healing, as well as erotic healing, my two companions Riley and Muffin and their teaching of unconditional Love.
Why am I revisiting this now, how many times have I wrote this? How many times have I forgiven them and myself yet I still feel the sadness, the tightness in my Solar Plexus, and literally have to breathe through it all to continue. Is there something undone, forgiven ? More work needs to be done I see, offering and honoring gifts and healing to myself and that event? This is not clear, maybe I am healing and this is just the challenge to continue to walk confidently in the directions of my dreams…
Thus I have journeyed these paths, experienced these events, opportunities to burn away, heal, gather, grow to map and share my story, which of course is not over, is ever unfolding.
Growth Question: Are you in love with the mystery? Is your story unfolding in the light?