Your essence determines who you are, and it uses the personality’s mind, feeling nature and physical body through which to express itself. To answer the question ‘Who are you?’ is the most difficult challenge because your essence, or soul, is infinite. Therefore every answer you give enables you to reveal some insight into who you are. Each day ask yourself this question and reveal an answer. What is your answer today? Soul Signs
This the quote that spoke to me this morning while I search for who I am and why I am having difficultly finding space and time to write my pages/blog. For my old personality or old habits seem to have reinvaded my body, asserting its behavior on my everyday self. Who are you? Is a powerful moving question, one that I have journeyed within for, as well as journeyed without for as well. Essence being infinite, the search is never-ending, always discovery, uncovering, hidden aspects of my self, my soul, of who I am and who I am not.
Laurie ask during our Mid-week check in about what happens to me when my Mother is here :
When your mother is in your same geographic location, you see less confident, and not as sure-footed. It’s as if you question the value of your artistic creation. It’s as if you question your personal quality and contribution. This maybe true and I have struggled and worked on this for sometime now.
I wonder why you change when she’s around. It’s almost as if you discount your value (put yourself in the “discount bin”) when she’s there. And then once she’s gone, you bounce back and you hold your head high again. For some reason I seem to get in her head, I hear all the words she said to me as a child and teenager. Her way was to express, that she saw more in me and wished I lived up to that. Yet I did not know what that is? So living up to, became, not really showing up, because I did not know what living up to was. I have done much work on this area, yet it still grabs me, still causes old habits to express themselves and new now moments to wait until the storm is over to check if it is safe.
Mom’s behavior is not a conscious thing, she believes she is offering encouragement and in a way she is. It is my reaction to her presence that seems to pull me away from myself. The myself that is soul/essences ever infinite.
So that being said Mom left two days ago. and I have been unveiling myself in the past few hours to get out from under the spell. I began to straighten out my room, throw things away, freshen the air so to speak, to make room for the change. I did email the coffee shop in Westmont who has monthly featured artist work displayed on their walls. I have even before mom left, been out everyday taking photographs. Hunting and gathering for Fungi and Mushrooms that seem to pop up out of nowhere once we have some wet, humid weather. So those discoveries have been fun to find and photograph. Offers a bit of a challenge, and new excitement! I have the Salem County Peace Festival 4 H fair coming up in few weeks and we can display and sell art there. This morning I got a message from http://www.Redbubble.com that I sold a shot in the form of card, Yellow Heels !!! To an unknown buyer!
I have been out in the yard, cutting grass and tending the garden a little bit at a time. We have Eggplants and green tomatoes, a few red plum tomatoes, peppers plants are not doing well, and struggling to grow. I am not sure we will get any thing from them. Since I don’t know a whole lot about what I am doing I just spend some time in the space to weed, to smell the scent of the plants and herb. There has been a Lemon Balm plant that I pass in the wood everyday that I am going to bring a piece back to plant. I think I should really, concentrate on a herb garden, I feel more drawn to that experience. The experience of fragrance and uses of herbs have fascinated me for sometime as well as Oil essences for energy and healing.
I was interrupted by a photo shoot of eggplants and walk with the dogs so I think I am done with these pages for now, oh yeah and a phone call from Mom!
Growth Question: Who are you?
I am Love, Jeff