The only way is through…

Yesterday I placed myself in the experience of not getting into action because the gremlin on my shoulder or in my head kept say; “you’re not ready yet, you don’t know what you’re doing!” On and on that voice clouding my actions, dimming my emotions, lowering my defenses.

The Universe was showing me the path, offering me the guidance, even the permission to get into action whether I am or feel ready. This morning one more “sign” presented itself which placed me in an attitude of gratitude as well as a state of tears. I was extremely touched by response to a photo and status I had posted after a long day of trying to show up. Along with that I received a post and message using one of my photos for a class that was beginning in May. The course is presented by Robin Rice, titled Speaking Your Sage; Writing Your Wise. The study is a practice in telling our stories, in a form that allows one to expressed their creativity through art, writing, painting, photography, coaching, and most of all being authentic.

I was denying myself this activity,  maybe denying is not the activity, I was keeping myself small, I would illuminate small areas of my life and creativity only once in a while, because I was unclear what I had to offer with those actions, who I am, the voice would say, what do you know, the voice would announce. I stepped back from showing up, oh yes, I was there but only on the surface, on the edges, in the mean time my life experiences kept getting smaller rather then expanding and evolving.

One of voices the Universe used was of Barbra Streisand’s rendition of Sondheim’s “Putting it Together” where she is releasing a new CD of songs, while I am about to launch a wellness practice that I have been preparing, researching, learning about etc… therefore these words resonated,

A vision’s just a vision if it’s only in your head
If no one gets to hear it, it’s as good as dead
It has to come to life
Bit by bit, putting it together
Piece by piece, only way to make a work of art
Every moment makes a contribution
Every little detail plays a part
Having just a vision’s no solution
Everything depends on execution
Putting it together, that’s what counts…

Who am I? I have gift to share, a voice to share my story, my experience. All the knowledge  I have cluttering up my head serves no one, every class, video, podcast, workshop in the recent days have stated the gifts are to share. I recovery we taught, even if you have one day, to the person who just walked into the room you have something to share.

No everything is not in place, yet enough to start, there is nothing to go around the process is through. I have to go through with the knowledge; most of all, life experience. I don’t know everything, yet I offer what I have,  learn and evolved.

What do you have to go through to get to where you wish to Be?

For I will always find you…

Finding You in Beauty

Penetrating Light

The rays of light filtered through
The sentinels of trees this morning.
I sat in the garden and contemplated.
The serenity and beauty
Of my feelings and surroundings
Completely captivated me.

I thought of you

I thought of you.

I discovered you tucked away
In the shadows of the trees.
Then, rediscovered you
In the smiles of the flowers

tucked away

As the sun penetrated their petals
In the rhythm of the leaves
Falling in the garden
In the freedom of the birds
As they fly searching as you do.

ending beauty

I’m very happy to have found you,
Now you will never leave me
For I will always find you in the beauty of life.
–Walter Rinder

Confidently in the directions of your dreams

Through the shadowed path

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As your simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.“ Henry David Thoreau

I have confidently gone it the directions of my dreams many times, in love, in spiritual pursuit, and now creative artistic path. Has my life gotten simpler? I am not so sure, for I have had to reorganize the way I think, the way I love, the way I create as well as see creation. For the path suggested by the collective unconscious to be a certain way, to do a certain thing to make money or to have a certain life style shifted when I understood what it meant to be gay in the world. That I had to remove myself from my religion of my family, to hold on to values I know I had been given by teachers I knew intuitively to be correct in their suggestions of how to manage life from a place of awareness, acceptance as well as inquiry and investigations. Much of that was abandoned when I found booze and boys, that for the next 20 years would be spent in the pursuit of unfulfilled lost dreams. Dreams of Love, from someone else, not from myself, dreams of a life with another person who would fill me up, make me whole, complete me. Ha was I in for a surprise!

Elegant and simple

Now 20 years later the rediscovery of who I am through the process of recovery from booze, co-dependant relationships, re-setting boundary, a conscious seeking of a spiritual path, that returned me to my religion of childhood only to denounce it once again to embrace a more fluid nature based spirituality influenced by Christian Mystic’s, Buddhist Monks, indigenes cultures, radical faerie/gay spirit creativity, just to name a few.

The path is always changing, always adventuresome, a rediscovery of who I am through the relationship of who I was and who I choose to Be today. The relationships with the people in my life as well as the circle of inspiring creative beings I have meant and begun to cultivate community with on-line. These blogs, these morning pages are part of that process, part of the ever-widening, expanding network of champions to my self-worth through my gratitude to them by the continuation of self discovery.

Little rays

In that process I have to opportunity to assist in their growth from my sharing of my story, sharing the adventure, offering the map I have taken to get where I am, and sometimes it seems I am not where I think I want to be but acceptance of where I am and to envision the path of where I am directed with conscious intuitive spirit.

Shadows in the sand

Another of the task for this week suggested in The Artist’s Way is “Imaginary Lives: If  you had five other lives to lead what would you be in each of them? The point of these live is to have fun in them–more fun than you might be having in this one. Look over the list and select one. ”

A Monk

an actor,

a fashion photographer

a shaman,

a world traveler.

Which one will I choose to imagine or create in my life? I wonder?

I wrote earlier in my friends Kathy’s blog I mentioned that I had notice I had not taken my camera many times of late with me in the wood during our walks. That I was feeling uninspired, I walk these same paths everyday, and right now everything is wilting due to the extreme heat and humidity. Upon my noticing I did not have my camera with me what do I see a grouping of mushrooms that were not there yesterday… so Kathy’s blog was a dare to go someplace we had not been before, and I had just been thinking I wanted to look up National Park/parks in NJ, places of interest, there is plenty I have not seen and most I have not photographed, so my journey is to move beyond my little wood, take a back road, go to nature walks, find some lakes, take another street in the city… not only treat for the senses, but a challenge to my art, to photograph and to experience a new sight.

Growth in dark

Affirmation: “Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.”

“Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.”

“Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.”

“Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.”

“Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.”

As you see I did not get to go to NYC and to MoMA today, a friend reached out last night and I am going to meet him in Philly later to day, but I think I will go earlier to do some photography before meeting up with him, to socialize, to maybe do some healing with him, or just hang in the park, or coffee shop/bookstore !

Growth Question: Are you confidently going toward your dreams? If so, what tools, maps, etc are you using? If your not going toward your dreams confidently why not?

I am Love, Jeff

PS: I did go back and take those shots of the mushrooms and every photograph here was taken once I shared where I was with my creativity!

Photographs here for purchase, post card, note cards, framed.