There is a spell or a poem

A spell to Commit Pronoia, Jennifer Welwood

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning to face my fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within;

Opening to my loss,

I am given unimaginable gifts;

Surrendering into the emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.

Each condition I welcome transforms me

And becomes itself transformed

Into its radiant jewel-like essence.

I bow to the one who had made it so,

Who has crafted this Master Game;

To play it is pure delight,

To honor it is true devotion.

This spell or poem spoke to me this morning while doing my practice of reading mediations. A reading mediation is one in which the language of the scripture, if you wish to use that “religious” word. A reading mediation can be a selections of passages from your favorite books or quotes that you may have accumulated in a journal or dairy. Words and language that your feel as you read them, I like to say them out loud, it gives me a sense of life, gives the words and lanuage energy, lets them loose on or into the Universe. As ritual passages they become more magical, reciting the words consciously allows for them to form, give meaning, allows you to feel and sense what they mean, how structure and or tone informs your spirit, breathe, take a moment between the sentences, hold the last one until it lets go.

Letting go informs your conscious you are ready to receive the next line, the next assistance, the next illumination, the next loving caress or uplifting phrase that will carry you on to the next.

Listen to your voice, the sound of it, are you quiet, is it tough or tender, are you commanding the words forth with projection, or are you meekly rendering them across the air into your space? Are those words intimate, are they strong and powerful, like a lover encouraging you on? Sudders my come, you may feel sweaty or faint, or nothing. If nothing, stop, breathe, re-set your intention, your purpose.

Read the previous sentence, or passage, feel it now, understand your pace, how does it feel now?

There are days that it becomes routine and you rush through the practice just to get on with your day, it is okay for now yet remember to embrace the practice next time. That energy and consciousness is what you take with you into your day. A word or a phrase may come to you when driving to work, or doing your chores, a conversation with a friend or even a stranger can sometimes remind you of who you are, and who you are seeking to become. In a flash or later in a thoughtful moment your warrior has come upon its weekness or its strenght, here is where the creative tools are brought forth to craft your being.

It is not perfection we seek even when it feels like that is so. It is the authentic self we seek and begin to know. In our aloneness we are not alone, in our fear we are fearless, in our pursuits we discover we can be transformed.

Delight in the journey, find laughter in the imperfection, and joy in the challenges. Embrace the gifts each moment offers.

There is that poem or passage, or even a spell that leads you…

 

The only way is through…

Yesterday I placed myself in the experience of not getting into action because the gremlin on my shoulder or in my head kept say; “you’re not ready yet, you don’t know what you’re doing!” On and on that voice clouding my actions, dimming my emotions, lowering my defenses.

The Universe was showing me the path, offering me the guidance, even the permission to get into action whether I am or feel ready. This morning one more “sign” presented itself which placed me in an attitude of gratitude as well as a state of tears. I was extremely touched by response to a photo and status I had posted after a long day of trying to show up. Along with that I received a post and message using one of my photos for a class that was beginning in May. The course is presented by Robin Rice, titled Speaking Your Sage; Writing Your Wise. The study is a practice in telling our stories, in a form that allows one to expressed their creativity through art, writing, painting, photography, coaching, and most of all being authentic.

I was denying myself this activity,  maybe denying is not the activity, I was keeping myself small, I would illuminate small areas of my life and creativity only once in a while, because I was unclear what I had to offer with those actions, who I am, the voice would say, what do you know, the voice would announce. I stepped back from showing up, oh yes, I was there but only on the surface, on the edges, in the mean time my life experiences kept getting smaller rather then expanding and evolving.

One of voices the Universe used was of Barbra Streisand’s rendition of Sondheim’s “Putting it Together” where she is releasing a new CD of songs, while I am about to launch a wellness practice that I have been preparing, researching, learning about etc… therefore these words resonated,

A vision’s just a vision if it’s only in your head
If no one gets to hear it, it’s as good as dead
It has to come to life
Bit by bit, putting it together
Piece by piece, only way to make a work of art
Every moment makes a contribution
Every little detail plays a part
Having just a vision’s no solution
Everything depends on execution
Putting it together, that’s what counts…

Who am I? I have gift to share, a voice to share my story, my experience. All the knowledge  I have cluttering up my head serves no one, every class, video, podcast, workshop in the recent days have stated the gifts are to share. I recovery we taught, even if you have one day, to the person who just walked into the room you have something to share.

No everything is not in place, yet enough to start, there is nothing to go around the process is through. I have to go through with the knowledge; most of all, life experience. I don’t know everything, yet I offer what I have,  learn and evolved.

What do you have to go through to get to where you wish to Be?

For I will always find you…

Finding You in Beauty

Penetrating Light

The rays of light filtered through
The sentinels of trees this morning.
I sat in the garden and contemplated.
The serenity and beauty
Of my feelings and surroundings
Completely captivated me.

I thought of you

I thought of you.

I discovered you tucked away
In the shadows of the trees.
Then, rediscovered you
In the smiles of the flowers

tucked away

As the sun penetrated their petals
In the rhythm of the leaves
Falling in the garden
In the freedom of the birds
As they fly searching as you do.

ending beauty

I’m very happy to have found you,
Now you will never leave me
For I will always find you in the beauty of life.
–Walter Rinder

A Celebration of Gifts

Eclicpe

“Realize that  you are the child of God, and embody it. Live and act passionately from your divine center of Love.” Andrew Harvey

It is one of those days where crawling back in bed with a good book seems to be the order of the day, weather wise and emotionally. It is gray and chilly. I have been craving sugar for three days, ice cream mostly, which would include many of the items of are not part of a whole foods life plan. Sugar, milk, and ingredients that would not be good for what I am trying to accomplish. I just had to put this out there, it may have nothing to do with anything and then again maybe it does?

Yummy Breakfast

I did not write yesterday I got caught up in yard work, and the blanked out the rest of the day it seems. Was I creative, was I present? I know I over reacted to with the dogs, not listening, Riley especially I think he is have difficulty hearing, or has a mind of his own. Muffin cowards when I yell… The spring like coolness seems to make them more energetic and they have been running off changing everything, groundhogs in general, so many times I don’t know in which direction that they have gone. I have found myself yelling for them and at them when they don’t respond to my call. Ok, I am being an overprotective father/mother!  And again telling on myself because I do not like that reaction of anger and loss of control.

Unconditional Love, (Riley)

Today is my 21 year of sobriety !! Imagine that? I remember I could hardly wait for one year, and then when I reached five years what a big mile stone that was. Not for the past fifteen it seem life is not as dramatic, or full of stress, that I learned and incorporated the tools of recovery and use them as often as I remember too. The third and seventh step prayer are never far from my mind or lips in silent affirmation of turning my will and life over to a Higher Power. That I alone have not done this, yes I made self attend meetings, to help others find their path, studied and worked/practice the program with my whole being, it is was and the witnessing of miracles of people so broken, angry, hurt, confused rise above their ego, their self-centeredness to create a whole life. One of action, one of faith in something more powerful than their addiction, more powerful than a our own mind, the mind and power of surrender to the Divine source within. To create self-love, self-worth, self-caring, to be Whole Beings present for life, present for God/Goddess to live the miracle of a sober/clean life.

Heavens above

Oh this did not end with just putting down the drink and walking away for a life of drunkenness. This blossomed into a journey beyond imagination, the search for self-worth, self-love, self-caring did not just happen over night, and is an ongoing journey, a journey to face the fears, the shame, the shadows and even more the real dark of depression, loneliness, to only come out with the strength to walk in the light head held high, with a bright smile on your face. To embrace life from a perspective that is a full view, whole world view.

This blog, these morning pages are a recent occurrence within this journey of awakening, to bare my soul, shine light on the shadows, for I think and I hope I am done walking through the darkness of depression, self doubt, of fear… God’s grace will inform of such silly notions of visiting there again.

Blooms and buds

I ask earlier here is this creative, have I been creative? The answers is yes, each day I am creative, I create my world, I create my happiness, or my sadness due to the reaction or response to a situation or moment. I create with my art, beauty, I create with the meals I make healthier ways to live, I create Love by being loving to myself and those around me even when angry at the dogs, or confused by my own lack of attention to my self care.

Andrew Harvey in the quote above suggest to “Live and act passionately  from the Divine center of Love” if I had not lived that way this whole time I would not be here to write this now, I would not be here to celebrate 21 years of sobriety, I would be here to live one moment at a time fully present, fully breathing in the joy as well as the sadness of life. Full breaths are healing and a continuation of Divine Love in this realm.

I am Love, Jeff

Growth Question: When did you realize you where a child of God?

Photographs