The only way is through…

Yesterday I placed myself in the experience of not getting into action because the gremlin on my shoulder or in my head kept say; “you’re not ready yet, you don’t know what you’re doing!” On and on that voice clouding my actions, dimming my emotions, lowering my defenses.

The Universe was showing me the path, offering me the guidance, even the permission to get into action whether I am or feel ready. This morning one more “sign” presented itself which placed me in an attitude of gratitude as well as a state of tears. I was extremely touched by response to a photo and status I had posted after a long day of trying to show up. Along with that I received a post and message using one of my photos for a class that was beginning in May. The course is presented by Robin Rice, titled Speaking Your Sage; Writing Your Wise. The study is a practice in telling our stories, in a form that allows one to expressed their creativity through art, writing, painting, photography, coaching, and most of all being authentic.

I was denying myself this activity,  maybe denying is not the activity, I was keeping myself small, I would illuminate small areas of my life and creativity only once in a while, because I was unclear what I had to offer with those actions, who I am, the voice would say, what do you know, the voice would announce. I stepped back from showing up, oh yes, I was there but only on the surface, on the edges, in the mean time my life experiences kept getting smaller rather then expanding and evolving.

One of voices the Universe used was of Barbra Streisand’s rendition of Sondheim’s “Putting it Together” where she is releasing a new CD of songs, while I am about to launch a wellness practice that I have been preparing, researching, learning about etc… therefore these words resonated,

A vision’s just a vision if it’s only in your head
If no one gets to hear it, it’s as good as dead
It has to come to life
Bit by bit, putting it together
Piece by piece, only way to make a work of art
Every moment makes a contribution
Every little detail plays a part
Having just a vision’s no solution
Everything depends on execution
Putting it together, that’s what counts…

Who am I? I have gift to share, a voice to share my story, my experience. All the knowledge  I have cluttering up my head serves no one, every class, video, podcast, workshop in the recent days have stated the gifts are to share. I recovery we taught, even if you have one day, to the person who just walked into the room you have something to share.

No everything is not in place, yet enough to start, there is nothing to go around the process is through. I have to go through with the knowledge; most of all, life experience. I don’t know everything, yet I offer what I have,  learn and evolved.

What do you have to go through to get to where you wish to Be?

Ordinary to Extraordinary

“We ourselves must choose each step. And to choose each step and be strong enough to endure what will follow on our repeated choice we have to develop a deep spiritual practice within the terms of ordinary life, trying at all moments to stay centered in the heart, the truth of the heart, the peace of the heart, so that the pain of growth can be borne within that peace and be infused by it” Andrew Harvey: The Return of the Mother.

Is life ordinary? Or is it not extraordinary!!! Extraordinary that we breathe each moment into the next moment. That life is ever evolving with or without our conscious involvement within it. Last evening I was granted a gift beyond my understanding of deserving the gift. Along with that gift the sense of gratitude overwhelmed me to tears, overcome with a sense of “how do I accept this?” What do I say, how can I repay this presentation? Than the realization of deeper friendship and love that lies within the gift from artist to artist, and friend to friend. Out of the depths of ordinary, out of showing up each day, out of the reaching out the hand to another one has reached back.

The songs “Make Believe” and “If I Loved You” touched some old memories, yet new meanings were layered over those memories of romantic love to to understand the idea of “acting as if” to believe in oneself even when the world seems to be falling about around you. When nothing seem to be in your favor. The Universe shines the light, cools the breeze, touches a place that has been unaired and darkened by survival.

On each repeated choice we have to develop a deep spiritual practice, that practice is showing up each day, being aware of the details, being grateful sometimes just to get to the end of the day or waking in the morning.

Staying centered in truth, in peace, and in love.

I wrote the upper part of this on July 8th I didn’t believe it captured the essence of what I was trying to convey. So all writing stopped.

What have I been up to since the last blog? I have been rediscovering who I was, who I am meant to be. That uncovering is slow, yet warm and welcoming at times, is any of it practical? Who knows? Have I ever really been practical? Not very much, as serious as these blogs seem to be, I am not a practical person in that light the twist and turns of my life will attest to.

Now of course I have to get practical or serious in some cases. Taking care of myself. I need help financially, there is no more kindness of stranger or Mom. Of course once the house sells there shall be an amount that if properly managed can subside the plans I have to maintain my photography work, and build a healing/spiritual practice.

Until than I had to apply for food stamps, which I received and has been very useful for purchase of food.
There was a blog planned for that discussion. The uses of the gifts of natures goodness, plants and veggies. A friend had taken me to Produce Junction and we shared our abundance and I was more than grateful, overwhelmed with the kindness. What so much a little could buy.

Before all of this I had connected with a friend who has a space that is called Holistic Living Studio in Glassboro NJ. We shared Reiki together and as we checked in with each other she offered the space to do my Reiki practice and to host the Reiki Share. At the time I was still kind of numb but grateful for the offer and I truly considered it. A month ago we had our first Reiki share group which well attended, the vibrations/energy motivated those numb parts of me to say yes. Let’s do this thing!

I placed out into the Universe that I am receiving Reiki Clients, three days a week during certain hours. The Universe has not gotten that message out yet but I am sure she will very soon. Along with that a friend got in touch with me with in days of saying yes to the use of the studio about doing Essential Oils workshop and a Fire Ceremony Shamanic event. We got the energy flowing for those to happen.
In that same inspiration, we discussed Reiki 1 classes for the fall. I am looking into Crystal and stone practice healing workshops, and meditation practice, as well as so many other assorted possibilities.

How practical is all of that. This is what I am suppose to do, these are the gifts I was given to share. This has been my vision for a long time. The light is now beginning to shine brightly again.

One more gift that was graciously given to me. A few weeks before my birthday I placed on my status on Facebook if anyone wished to give me a Birthday gift, the suggestion was to purchase Street Photo books from Michael Penn. I had committed to buy his self produced Philadelphia Project,  full page black and white photography magazines for $10 each. With the recent setback financially I could not afford them, and he had been saving them for me. Within less than an hour someone who I know from photography group messaged me that he was working with Michael to get the books for me. I was stunned and extremely excited and beyond grateful! I received all the back-ordered books and more, a week later!

These gifts are gifts that have been so freely given. I hope to honor that with my practice of healing and paying it forward when opportunities present themselves!

I have chosen the steps, I have consciously awakened mind, body, and spirit, through continual practice of sharing gratitude that allow the flow and vibration to bring these sources of abundance to us. The Universe has more than enough to share, so share the gifts of love.

I am Love…

Treat Yourself

Always leave enough time in  your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor. Paul Hawken

Intertwined

A few things that come up for me this morning are there seems to be a need to with drawl when I share/write the way I did yesterday. As the energy has been distributed I seem to flatten out for a while.

It is now 7:43 PM I wrote the two opening lines this morning around 9 am, I lost connection, even outside, and Mom, wanted to go to the Amish Market to pick up goodies, and to a farm stand to buy apples as well as visit my sister-in-law at her book store. So it was off to that. At the farm stand we bought apples and peace  and a cantaloupe the size of a basket ball, when I got home I had to cut it all up, some went in the freezer, some sliced, more went into making a melon smoothie to have with red Beans and rice dinner.

At the Amish Market we got spices, cumin, nutmeg, black pepper corns, arrowroot, and smoked paprika all this to add to the cupboard to make some delicious meals. Found bags of grains, steel-cut oat meal, wheat groat, quinoa, for breakfast as well a move away from pasta. Of course their snack collection is just out of this world, with nuts, and candies, bags of veggies chips, dark chocolate cover nuts, dried cranberries found their way into my cart, and oh yeah fresh peanut butter… and then we had lunch.  While writing this I realized I could have been taking photographs of all of this but alas I did not.

captured balance

I wish to say thank you to all the people who read my blog/morning pages. In the past week two or three people have come forward on Facebook and have informed me the read the blog regularly! Thank you, thank you! It is great to know that you are all out there and that the words, and thoughts have an expression beyond these pages!

I treated my self to the latest Barbra Streisand CD “Love is the Answer” yesterday while at Barnes and Noble, when I first went in, I was meeting Jodi there, she had not arrived yet, so I went to the record department to look for an older CD which I don’t own, imagine that? The Barbra Joan Streisand CD recorded in the 70’s in which sings with duet with herself for the first time performing one of the most wondrous performance ever, One Less Bell to Answer/A House is not a home! Well Barnes and Noble only had a few selections of the many many CD of Barbra’s and three of them where different packaging of Love is the Answer. I walked away to meet with Jodi, she and I sat and chatted for about an hour and half, getting to know each other, connecting in ways I have not connected with a person in a long time. I was great having spent the time together and I look forward to sharing more in the near future.

roughing it!

I could not leave the store with out the CD so I bought the double set which has the trio recording as well as the orchestrated version. So that has been my sound track for the last day or so…

I am  sorry that my time with Jodi was only a footnote in this blog, I am sure in a day or so I will have more to write about our time together.

and I think this is the end of this blog as well, I wanted to make sure I wrote today no matter what I had to say. It is dark outside and I can’t really see the keys on the laptop, the air is shifting and the breeze is cooling off the day, and bit ago the moon was there above the trees but it has moved out of sight from where I am…

Growth Question: When was the last time you treated yourself?

I am Love, Jeff