Actions are words moving. Words are thoughts expressed. Thoughts are ideas formed. Ideas are energies come together. Energies are forces released. Forces are elements existent. Elements are particles of God, portions of All, the stuff of everything. Conversations with God Bk 1.
The action of writing my thoughts expressed as they flow through me body’s energy and end up here on this page allow me to envision my path, clear out what is behind to move along unencumbered to the next moment free of old patterns, baggage, defeating, blocking thoughts. The writing allows me to let go, to view where I am from where I have been to where I wish to be.
I was drawn to sit outside this morning to have my breakfast and read in as the Solstice arrived over my shoulder, shining on the back of my head. The dogs and I took our second walk during the arrival of the time when the sun would be in its highest place. In the cool darkness of the wood, having the light illuminate the path and crowns of the trees. The birds sang as usual, the owls did not show themselves, the fragrance of drying plants, lingering honeysuckle and other sweet sharps scents drifting by in those moments. Trying to keep my mind clear, seeking to be present, not thinking of the blog that I am now writing. Allowing myself to just feel the moments of being surrounded by nature, from head to toe, but also from breath to breath spiraling through my body. There has been a sense of lightness, even light-headedness, that I breathe through, asking it to inform me of what it means. No answer. Just Be.
I did my reading while sitting in yard eating my oatmeal with fresh blueberry’s, surrounded by chirping sparrow, flitting by, tree to tree, a few robins calling to their young, the dogs at my feet making sure I don’t escape until they have no longer need for me attention. Once again the reading was “Gay Soul” as well as “The Emotion Behind Money” of course these two books don’t naturally flow into each other yet they both inform and define who I am and who I wish to be. Learning the language of these self’s, holding the affirmations that the material offers that may or may not resonate with me allows for the multifaceted gem that I am to begin to smooth out the rough edges and even polish the smooth facets to shine in the light of self-care.
In Gay Soul I was reading the interview with Will Roscoe in which he shares his vision and passion in redefining “gay people in terms of gender and not sexuality, a stance that challenges the basic assumptions of the modern gay movement…” according to Mark Thompson’s profile of Will Roscoes work and research. Again another place I have sought clarity and understanding to define how I show up in the world.
The Motion Behind Money by Julie Murphy Casserly offers insights, exercises in how to redefine the roles money plays in my life, at this point changing the language, shifting to positive affirmations such as from saying “I can’t afford that” to “I will start saving for that.” or “I don’t know where to start” to “I will create a plan.” To change the energy around my thinking about money, to thinking positive about money. Thing is I don’t think much about money at all. So it is how money presents itself to me, noncommittal, illusive. Hmm? Julie Murphy Casserly states “the image that you currently focus on is your current reality. If you chose to see a different perspective, your reality will change.”
I had to shift my perspective on my social life as well, from a fear based one to one of trust. Because my perspective is based on past behavior from myself and those around me at the time. I have changed social sittings, I have changed my need to desire to be present in a loving, sharing, encouraging community. I went to the Heart Circle/Pot Luck gathering with Radical Faeries, 13 people attended and sat in circle. Passing the Amethyst ball around from person to person to share, once we past the tarot card deck from hand to hand to gather the energy of each of us, then to pull one card, to guide and led us into a heart centered share. The called pulled was the ten of cup, success: One of the meanings for this card seems to fit the moment well. “The ten of cups Tarot card meaning comes through loud and clear. This card is an energetic indicator of good times, accomplishments and relishing all the joys that come from being a part of a community of loving friends and family.” How perfect was that. I was glad I attended That I gifted myself with the this energy of Loving men, and one women, who are in a place of redefining their purpose and relationship to community as not just gay people but what I means to be a Radical Faerie in the middle of a city like Philadelphia. Allowing myself to sit in circle, to listen from my heart, to hear the healing all are doing, that I have not been alone on this path, only acting as if I were. I found myself once again connecting to men, to offering hugs, receiving hugs, having and or listening to meandering conversations but also connecting to energies of certain men in the room. When I got home I made sure I friended them on Facebook, commented on my experience in meeting them and opening the door for later connections.
( taken by a friend)
I thought about getting night shots of West Philly and University of Penn out laying area but I talked myself out it. Darn!
Growth Questions: Do your actions convey your words and or thoughts? Positive or negative.
I am Love, Jeff
the reluctant bloger 