Only now



I begin to understand that power of giving in, of surrendering even when my old beliefs shout that is being co-dependent, that is giving up of yourself. What I have come know is that surrendering is not giving up or giving in, what it is, is letting go, being open, trainable, teachable. I just read a quote from Andre Gide that states, “trust those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.” For truth-seeker are on a journey to discovery, on a path to be shocked, and amazed. To be dazzled by wonder, to be moved by tears of ecstatic joy and yet broken down on their knees in tears from the ignorance and stubbornness of those who believe that they have found the truth, unwilling to hear or conceive anything other than what they know. For knowing something else would mean admitting they were wrong and their lives were false. Not so completely for a truth knower has set a pattern, has become comfortable while a truth seeker is always expanding, shedding skin like a snake or trees letting go of their leaves so that the new growth will begin again in the spring, in the new season.



Over and over I had to set my questioning aside. Learning to take direction even intuitively which I trusted much more then what most people have shared with me or have guided me to do or practice. When I begin to get uncomfortable within myself, when I have abandoned everyone for safety, rather than allowing those relationship to inform and enlighten who I am at the moment as well as who I wish to become. Solitude is good to have which allows us to reflect, to readjust our own truths at times, yet when solitude becomes a place of emptiness of loneliness that your truth now holds you prisoner in self-created comfort.

Helping a neighbor, being a responsible person by questioning disrespect or inappropriate behavior of those around you can be challenging, and a bit frightening and most people choose not to get involved because of that fear. Yet speaking up, using our voices and our talents to shift the energy, shift the thinking, a little at a time is our purpose in life. Do I know whether I influenced anyone, no not always or not immediately and it is not my business to know, or receive a reward in gratitude or praise. The gift is that I challenged myself, I went beyond my comfort zone, I was being brave for the other people who are too frightened, too unaware, that live in a world of complaint, who are knocked out by the chaos into semi-coma, sleep walking yet in their hearts they desire change unable to see a way out.



The way out is surrender it is not surrender “I give up, it is impossible!” It is surrender of giving,  it is the letting go of all truths, old beliefs, old patterns of behavior by asking questions, changing the way you go to work in the morning, the way you greet the day even. Ok I feel crappy today, I recognize this so what do I need to do to change that feeling, sometimes it is as simple as taking a shower, making a good meal for yourself, stretching. Hey have time for a walk? Take a walk. Not focusing on a situation doesn’t change the situation per se it offers other choices, allowing growth and awareness to begin.

Make a list of that behaviors you would like to change. You know what they are, make list now. Once that list is done, choose one behavior to begin to change, work on that one behavior for a week. Yes the whole week 7 days. The next week chose another, practice creating change for another week; of course you are still in the process of that change you make the week before, has it become a habit or do you still have to think about doing? Did you stop when you started the next weeks behavioral change? That is okay, just pick up the new behavior again. Going down the list checking those old activities that kept you stuck. The process will not be perfect, no one ever is, even I who sit here writing this to you falls short of this many times. I get caught up in my comfort, it a pattern yet when that pattern becomes boring and isolates us to the world around us that is when action is required. There is a saying, “if you always do what you always done, you will always get, what you always got.”



If you no longer “want” what you already have, begin to make those changes, today. Allow your truth to be shaken, allow awareness to guide and inform your actions. Ask for help when help is needed; take that class, talk to the guy or girl you think is cute at the coffee shop or in class. Plan better meals for yourself and your family, surrender to the sameness to create a difference.

I share this because I am in the process of this myself. I will check back in a few days. I would like to see what you decide to change. We are on this path together let’s make it more powerful, more meaningful, more loving, more compassionate, more give.

I am love, Jeff

10 thoughts on “Only now”

  1. Beautifully put. So much of this resonates with me. Love this: “a truth seeker is always expanding, shedding skin like a snake or trees letting go of their leaves so that the new growth will begin again in the spring, in the new season.” And this: ‘speaking up, using our voices and our talents to shift the energy, shift the thinking, a little at a time is our purpose in life” Seeking a life of authenticity has always been important to me. What I want now is just to love more all that is, to truly be alive to everything while I can. To finish that novel, yes, to paint more and better, yes, to live healthier, yes. But beneath all that is the simpler goal, to just be the best me that know and to keep growing in all the ways I love.

    1. Deborah,

      Thank you! When a process comes from your heart it would most likely resonate with those who also flow from that space. I have added new intentions and different forms of adoration to Mother spirit. She allowed me to sing today in the form of this blog! Your craft will bloom and expand with your intentions. Best to you in 2018!

  2. I love this post, Jeff. Amazing. Love it. My favourite line was “What I have come know is that surrendering is not giving up or giving in, what it is, is letting go, being open, trainable, teachable.” And that’s big. So many of us feel that we are waving the white flag and just accepting anything that rolls over us. I find that when I surrender, I am letting go. I am accepting, in some ways, what is to come…the outcome is not mine. I take the actions required and be open to the possibilities of what comes my way. I don’t skew my perceptions and expectations. I allow it into my space.

    I also like that challenge you are doing – I would love to see how it works for you.


    1. Yes you know that old saying, get out of our own way. Ha ha! Thank you so much for your kind comments. I will keep you posted on the rest. Be well my friend!

  3. An old year meeting a new one is extremely powerful, in more ways than one , and it sometimes takes a trigger ( such as your fellow dweller ) to make you recognise the fact .
    It’s a darn good idea to be aware of old habits , traits in your personality that need to be nipped in the bud.
    An intention to work on those on a 7 day basis is a jolly good idea .
    Procrastination is mine …for the next 7 days I’m going to work on that .
    My word of this year is visible so that’s something I will work on the week after.
    Good luck with yours and a very happy new year to you Jeff.

    1. Hi Cherry, I went looking to see if you had received this! Yes moments of trigger are important to look at, and I have, while continuing to focus on my recovery in all areas of my life! I support you in your process as well!! Visible is a good word and experience to place out there, with this blog and Facebook Live post as well as recovery Visible becomes an action and an experience!

  4. Jeff, finally got over here to read what you wrote. Actually was over here a couple of days ago, but got sidetracked and didn’t comment. So now got to read again! I love how you explain “surrender”. And how it sometimes means moving out of our comfort zone. To recognize when we’re in old patterns of avoidance, or when we can begin to move outward. Thinking of you fondly right now and wishing you well as your inner spirit guides you to the next place…

    1. Well I thought you had been larking around on here! Ha ha! Thanks for coming back to comment. Yes the flow is outward and/or steady ebb and flow… the course is set, the adventure has begun!

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