There are values in pain…

There are values in pain that are difficult
to see without the presence of a guest.

Don’t complain about autumn.
Walk with grief like a good friend.
Listen to what he says.

Sometimes the cold and dark of a cave
give the opening we most want.



A little over two years ago I noticed my Mom’s mind wasn’t functioning properly and when we had an appointment at the her Dr’s I ask about it. I wasn’t really used to being around mom that much at the time. She had a man friend and they would travel back and forth from Vermont to Myrtle Beach, stopping here on occasion for Holidays and Dr appointments. At that time I ask to see the Dr as well, to check her responses to normal questions. In his office she seemed to have answered correctly, even with being a bit distracted. Mom was not a very good listener, usually ready with a question about something else, maybe it was a way to deflect until she remembered.


Sometime later at her Heart Dr’s appointment, the Dr even came out to me to explain what she was to do for her self-care. He was concerned because she would not focus, and didn’t understand what he was trying to tell her, mentioning he would talk with her regular Dr. when I mentioned that we had discussed her memory issues and he was not concerned at this time.

At that point she went off with Lee, her man friend, I am sure which direction at the time. Her greatest joy was being with Lee and his Shih tzu Billy. She had a whole other family and friends there that she no longer had at home in NJ. Sometime later 3 months maybe she came home basicly  for good. Lee was concerned for her and he was having his own health problems.

Taking this walk with her was not my planned version of end life process, yet I was giving the task of being her caregiver, unprepared in every conceivable way. I began walking the autumn path of grief, anger and frustration with her it was not a happy time.

Our journey with Alzheimer’s begins…


[Many situations are becoming serendipitous, a blog from a friend a few days ago, I just had the opportunity to read, “Rumi & Back Pain” in which she discusses the lines from the Rumi poem that now informs the axis of my blog and the blogging/writing suggestion of the day.]

14 thoughts on “There are values in pain…”

  1. I have been thinking about Alzheimers a lot lately, and the challenges of living with this disease. It is so interesting when situations become serendipitous. Love it! Hugs, Jeff…

    1. I had started out with that statement of serendipitous. Moved it because it didn’t fit and I had more experience of it.

      Something going on with parents or just thinking about Alzheimers. ((Hugs))

  2. Hi jeff it’s been a long and arduous journey for you ,my heart goes out to you . You don’t plan life it plans it for you… But then there is a glimmer of hope ,a spark, just a something that gets you through …bless

  3. I love this picture of your mom, Jeff. I think I remember it because you’ve posted it before? No one is ever prepared for the role of caregiver, even if you’ve cared for someone else before each person has different needs and presents new challenges every step of the way. It’s wonderful that you’re sharing her (and your) story here. *hugs*

    1. Barbara,

      Yes I did post this before, here and on Facbook. It is one of the last “good” photos that we have of Mom.
      I know you have been in this position and I am grateful for you encouragement and support through it all!


  4. Compelling read of the start of what will be a difficult journey I am sure, I liked it.

    A few of your sentences were a little long and rambling, the last sentence in your 2nd paragraph in particular. (It begins with the words, “He was concerned…”)
    Also, watch spelling and minor grammar, Dr should always have a period, it is an abbreviation – Dr.
    Also, unless you are referring to a specific person by name (Dr. John Smith), it does not need to be capitalized, just dr. is fine…
    I often type my posts in Word and use that spelling and grammar check to clean them up and then copy paste into WordPress – just a suggestion. I mention the spelling because for me, misspelled words distract me from the content…
    Hope this is a bit helpful and not too harsh sounding!!!

    1. Thank you for your suggestions. I will review the blog from your perspective. It was difficult piece to write and I was also trying to catch up on a stream of consciousness assignment we had the day before, just for practice. So all the errors and choppiness is because of that.
      You are being very helpful not harsh at all!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.