Rarely have we seen a person fail…

who has throughly  followed our path.” Big statement yet placed with honesty, and continual practice of service to a Higher Power through the steady conscious awareness of self in daily readiness to help another human being.

Glimmers of light
Glimmers of light

At 12:00 am today I was led out of a tunnel of darkness, into a room full of light, well really crowded with men and women sitting around a table and lining the walls of a strip mall store, drinking coffee, smoking and chatting among themselves. Actually they were reading from a book,  a little blue book, The 12 & 12, which was either shared with me by the person next to me or I was given one while being shown which page and paragraph they were on. Yes I was late to my first AA Meeting at the Malvern Club House.

24 Years ago today those people in that crowded smoked filled room help me begin to change me life, one day at a time.  Being desperate enough to finely seek help for my drinking which had recently gotten me arrested for public lewdness or disturbance. My lover of the past few years had offered me a ultimatum,  it was him or the booze and crazy behavior alcohol and pot created within me. Imagine I went to my first meeting to save my relationship with another person? Yet I discovered after a few short weeks it was the relationship to myself and a Higher Power that would keep me there, allow me to get sober and be sober…

A moment
A moment

24 years is a life time, 24 years is only a beginning of the opening doors, the unraveling of years of unconscious behavior, ideals, and thinking that kept me in the state of want, the state of emptiness. In that state I felt the need to fill the hole in my soul, the ego needed to be constantly stroked. Every action was caused by those needs to be wanted  to be like, to be the best at something.

24 years of awakening, walking along many paths with many people, in meetings, books, in prayer circles, which for a time included religious organizations, than in spiritual community, who did I meet in all those places? I met myself, I meet myself in the reflection of each person and situation that challenges who I am, who I believe I am and who I am becoming.

24 years of re-discovery, have I throughly followed the path? Sometimes, sometimes not. The quote that begins this blog and is major part of the 12 Step Program written by recovering drunks for recovering drunks, and read at many many meeting everyday sets down the path, offers the tools to use, to a practice of a way of life beyond many peoples understanding. The reading offers bit of comfort with these words, ” We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”

the imperfect path
the imperfect path

Thank goodness for that, I don’t have to be perfect anymore, and I am not by any means. I fall short every day, yet the main thing is I don’t drink, I don’t use a substance, to dumb me. I walk in the woods, I take my camera, and my two lovely animal companions who show me what unconditional love is on a moment to moment basis. I am granted today, this moment, to be present, each a gift to unwrap and savor, sharing with the world around me…

I am grateful.

 

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15 thoughts on “Rarely have we seen a person fail…”

  1. Oh my Goddess! I am in love with this set….really speaks to me. I am discovering my habitual patterns…overcoming more programming and setting myself free from limitations. What an inspiration you are, you spectacular man! Mwah! With love and light, Joy

    1. Joy,

      I am most grateful for you comment! I am thrilled that this resonates for you! Writing to me is a way to view those patterns, allowing reflections to show me the path.

      I just signed up for a mens erotic body work group! Now what trouble can I get into?

      Love and bliss to you!

  2. Jeff, I am always glad for your company on this journey that is called life. It is a blessing and an honor, more than you might ever know.

  3. Jeff – I resonated with:

    “…I met myself, I meet myself in the reflection of each person and situation that challenges who I am, who I believe I am and who I am becoming.”

    Happy 24th anniversary — my hat is off to you!

  4. Thank you everyone for commenting. I have having difficulties with my password on wordpress it is reason why I have not replied before this. Trying to find a way to contact wordpress but I am having no luck!

  5. Congratulations on 24 years. Congratulations on realizing that help was needed and having the courage to make the journey–one day at a time.

    1. Do you have hats laying about Laurie, aren’t they all packed away?

      well I do meet myself in those situations and i meet myself here in words!

      Thank you! Thank you!

    2. Kathy,

      The courage is still to get one day at a time. At the moment it seems to be even more important to stay the course.
      Thank you so much for you continued friendship!

  6. “A moment” is a stunning picture – there is something healing about how the light plays in the woods…

    “I meet myself in the reflection of each person and situation that challenges who I am” – these words have extra special meaning for me today, Jeff. So proud of you for being sober for 24 years, and wishing you well as you continue to make progress on your imperfect spiritual path.

    1. Barbara,

      So good to have you stop by.Yes I understand your situation all to well. Our reflections are all about us… Thank your for being part of that journey in the recent years!

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