The progress of mistakes

“If we are to make progress, if we are to grow, if we are to live our dreams, then we must begin to expect that mistakes and problems will arise – and not meet them with the arrogant belief that they shouldn’t be there, but instead bring awareness and patience to the situation and know that problems are there to teach us and they are an inevitable step towards mastery.”  Mastin Kipp: Daily Love Blog:http://thedailylove.com/

behind the curtain

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Each morning for weeks, no months, I have desired to write, to blog, always getting distracted by one thing or another. Which is always just me getting in my own way. There is always something to distract us from our journey, always another shinning object, another mistake, another detour, yet all paths on the same journey to our destination. The road less traveled is not as easy to walk, ride, but I believe a much more rewarding one. A journey made from our own choices, our own visions of who we are, where we wish to go.

Since last fall I have become my mother’s caregiver, finding out her dementa/Alzheimer’s is worst than we thought but not as bad as it may become. Yet a new chapter in both our lives, lives interrupted by illness, aging, unclear paths untraveled by either of us.

Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes depression became my companion, I felt betrayed in some ways by my sister and brother in law who bought a house and moved out of the family home after 55 years! It was just Mom, the dogs and I! I knew some of the steps to take to get the help, Doctor appointments, contacting the county/senior service, I knew but I didn’t do much about it. I stood stunned in my path, going numbly from day to day. Was there, is there an arrogant belief I should not be there? Not arrogant, just a shocked misunderstanding of where I was in my life. Did I ask myself is this what I called forth? If I called being a caregiver to my Mother it was not a conscious calling. Is this part of growing up, being responsible?  If it is part of growing up and being responsible is sucks!

An older male friend commented this way about my being in this state of presence about my Mom just yesterday: “Please know that in the process of your frenzy and fury over dealing with your mother that you are doing the work that honors both of you. (This is a better way to think about it then prompting her to talk about fourteen hours of labor!!!”  Yes, I am trying to move into the higher vibration of all of this.  and slowing this is coming to be, yet part of me is just numb or angry, feeling love in this process is a difficult to reach. As the quote says above; “but instead bring awareness and patience to the situation and know that problems are there to teach us and they are an inevitable step towards mastery.” I am far from mastery in this matter, I seek advise and guidance, sanity through photography… the shadow of me

Yes, depression will still continue to shadow me, yes mistakes will jump up in my path, yet the journey continues, everyday the challenge to create, every moment that challenge to Be Present, to who I am and who I saw up as is unfolding.

Question of the day: Are Mistakes markers for your awareness?

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10 thoughts on “The progress of mistakes”

  1. Jeff, what a beautiful picture of your mother! And yes, mistakes are definitely markers of my awareness! I’ve been reading a lot of Pema Chödrön lately, in an effort to cope with the crisis here, and the ideas are similar to the thoughts you mention in your post. I’m so familiar with your feelings of betrayal, resentment, paralysis, bitterness, numbness, anger… Somehow it does help to observe and acknowledge those feelings in myself and allow myself to feel compassion for my humanness.

    After all the care-giving we have been doing for so many years, still, I met this new challenge with “the arrogant belief that [it] shouldn’t be there.” (“We’ve done our share – let someone else in the family have a turn!” I wanted to stomp my feet and scream this out to the universe.) It’s taken me a couple months to stop resisting “the problem” for a few hours or days at a time…

    You do have my sympathy, Jeff, and perhaps writing this post has helped you to find a little sanity and a little compassion for your self. *hugs* May you find blessings as you make this journey…

    1. Most grateful for your response Barbara! There is part of me that didn’t want to be this open, yet to maintain sanity, embrace compassion, I had to find my voice again… I have stand out in the light!

      Hugs and blessing to you as well!

  2. I love reading this, Jeff. Feeling how challenging it must be with your mom right now. Feeling about how much mistakes teach us. Enjoying reading your blog, feeling your Presence here…

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