Words and thoughts

Am I looking for the right words or right thoughts to compose this blog? Yes, but there are no correct thoughts or words expect the ones that flow from your heart to your mind through to your fingers, making something happen.

For two days now I have awakened with a sense of, I am going to use the word depression, another friend used the word dread, yet I would not call the sensation either one of those really. Maybe loss or emptiness, maybe just a letting go of something that I am unaware of letting go of during sleep. Is that possible? Anything is possible.

It could be that after 12 years or so I had to change my email address, and I have not figured out or done the work yet to retrieve old addresses and messages. I also had to change me Facebook page when I went to change me password there because it was asking for an odd system to have three friends vouch  that I am who I say I am, with a code # that is messaged to them… only one person as done so. So many of my contacts on face book have been discontinued, much of the messages that I had emailed to me are gone. In some ways this is freeing in others it is disconcerting.

Also my laptop needs some maintenance, I think a fan is malfunctioning for it over heats quickly and the cursor jumps around on the page when writing etc. Oy ! It feels like everything at once, oh yeah I have to renew my drivers license, which really needed to be done sometime ago because I have been using my NY State license since I moved here. Here is another thing, I am coming up on my birthday and it will be my last year in my 50’s. It is difficult enough understanding that I am 50 anything let alone going to be 59!!

Well maybe with all of that off my chest, out here is cyber space, I will relax, and just move on.

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12 thoughts on “Words and thoughts”

  1. I have wondered where you’ve been. Good to see you. And your blog reminded me of another one that I read some time ago. I can’t remember who wrote it but the reason I remember it is the first line:

    You are not depressed….just distracted.

    Loving thoughts your way, light and positivity (I like that word even if the browser marks it as misspelled haha =D).

    1. Stacey,

      I am glad you found this and responded, I had been looking for you on facebook but I could not remember the Lawson part of your name! Oy!
      Distracted by something, fear of moving forward…

  2. You sound overwhelmed!
    I love the cheerful pale pink flowers!
    Sometimes that works for me, too, writing down everything that is piling up on me, and somehow in the writing of it, it all starts to look more manageable. Hope you muddle through this pile of disrupting stuff soon! (((hugs)))

    1. Yes Barbara, it seem to be that I was feeling overwhelmed! If I take one thing at time, not obsess about the whole experience at once things can and do get done.
      Thank you!

  3. You know something…this makes me think of a time when I was truly taught a lesson in attachment…I had been dreaming o fmoving out West since I was 13. In order to make it happen, I narrowed all of my belongings down to one carry on bag (the most important things I owned so I had complete control over their safety) one backpack and a suitcase with my favourite clothes in it…Each of my four kids and my hubby all shed their belongings down to the same amount…

    So, as I stepped off the plane to greet my hubby with four kids who had some serious cabin/plane fever going on…the little bag with our most precious belongings was not foremost in my mind… Somehow, between exiting the plane and greeting my hubby…it was gone! Seemed simple enough…talk to the attendant and the airline and get my most special belongings back, right?

    nope! It was gone for good! I had a few things that were my dead baby sister’s, things I had since I was just a babe, some family heirlooms…you get the picture…there was no choice but to let go! In your case, it is likely more similar to feeling disconnected and possibly a loss then of connection…no choice but to let go and reconnect in more meaningful ways I suppose!

    My heart goes out to you! From my heart to yours, Joy

  4. I am SO behind in my blog responses. I get the sense that the universe is opening up a space for you to define (or redefine) who you are being in the world. Identifying the space and matter that make up this being called “Jeff” is not an easy task, but here is the opportunity to fill in the blank. Figuratively speaking, maybe you don’t need to be that person on your old driver’s license. Maybe you have outgrown your old Facebook identity.

    By the way, 59 is the “new” 49 . . . you have many happy years to go.

    1. Barbara,

      The trick is walking through those doors when the universe opens those doors, according to the planet’s it is time for that!
      Not to worry about your being behind in blog responses… I know you are out there, and when and if you respond all is well.

      I will keep it in mind the 59 is the “new” 49… Thank you!

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