self competition

“Real learning comes about when the competitive spirit has ceased.” J. Krishnamurti

From the train

It seems I may be in competition with my own ego… I received a response from Balance Gallery, or the contact person who sent the gallery assignments yesterday morning and the response was not one that I expected. For I had not heard anything from them in months since we set up the date, I contact “E” about that, asking whether we could meet, what the requirements were for exhibiting, if there was a contract that I need to read and sign.  This is the message I got back: “Hello. It’s confirmed no contract I’m not there at balance.  Very busy with child but drop by anytime to look at space. Usually 3 big pieces and 4 small ones. Thanks.”

I read that and was very disappointed, after my last blog, all the thoughtfulness I was beginning to place around this exhibit, the steam was let out!  And I have been questioning my expectations, and my motives behind this exhibit and the disappointment with the lack of enthusiasm from the gallery.

On the bright side, there is less work, cost is cut down, letting me focus on other avenues of work and exhibits in the near future.  One of those happened two weekends ago when I went to a Gallery in Olde City Philadelphia to support and view a fellow friends work. Butch is a local and nation wide gay celebrity , from his TV show In Bed with Butch, in which he interviewed other gay men, or people of interest to the gay community. Well Butch had put together a collection of photographs based on Iconic photographs with the basis being a straight man and a gay man naked together to represent this famous shots. Here is what Butch has to say about his project, Straight and Butch” delves into the boundries of male sexuality and masculinity. Initially, the concept was to shoot heterosexual models in the nude, together with myself, a homosexual man. The idea was not to portray them as gay, but quite the contrary. By showing tension, uncomfortableness & vulnerability that naturally occur when put into compromising situations, the subjects appear even more straight.”

I found the work creative, brave, edgy as well as bold.

The Shirt Corner

So while there at the gallery Ven and Vaida at 18 S. 3rd street, I chatted with the owner and fellow worker about the art, getting a feel for the space. The purpose of my being there as not only to view art but also to fill my well, have an “artist date” so to speak. I shared with Butch and others that is it my goal to be in the energy of other artist and creative people. Since I am not a trained artist, I have to follow my intuition. I felt welcomed, I gave them my card and while talking to the woman there she mentioned that the gallery exhibits where pretty well booked except for September and October, that they where waiting to see who showed up. I responded by saying, “I am showing up.” and handed her my card, she said great and notice that I was a Reiki practitioner as well, so commented on the being in the energy of beauty, etc. Later I was speaking to Bill and he was sharing about the main exhibit and their collection of antique jewelry. I which I mentioned I just photographed some old lighters of my fathers and grandfathers.  We continued to discuss object in the store/gallery, then Billy mentioned the other owner Atom, was interested in photographs of Philadelphia and ask if I had some. I said of course and directed him to the redbubblesite.19th Century

It was not until I was on my way home, for I spent some time in Olde City photographing different subject that interested me, caught my attention, with the thought in the back of my mind that this may be some work that  could be of interest to this gallery.  In the car driving home it hit me! Bam, the feeling of something amazing just happened, that this discuss at Ven and Vaida could lead to a gallery show in Olde City during First Friday events, which is a big opportunity to be seen and exposed to other artist and gallery. I as thrilled to chills at my “luck”!

Caught in the breeze

So taking the disappointment of Balance’s lack of attention to people who seem to really care about art and art object has given me new perspective on my competition with self, learn to work through the momentary breakdown to begin to build another area of commitment and expression.

Growth Question: Have you had to walk your self through disappointment to find the light?

I am Love, Jeff


12 thoughts on “self competition”

  1. Jeff – I love how you brought the reader round full circle in the post. And I just betcha that even in the first instance (the disappointing response from Balance) the person is really–in every sense of the word–overwhelmed by a childcare situation. I imagine that if that particular stress were removed from their equation, the response would have been different.

    The other serendipitous events that occurred are terrific and I’m confident will pave the way for a wide brushstroke of artistic opportunities for you!

    “From the train” has an underwater (aquatic) look/feel to it. I realize that’s not the case, but it looks really cool!

    Growth Question: Have you had to walk yourself through disappointment to find the light?

    Lawdy, lawdy, lawdy YES! So many times, in fact, I feel like I’m surrounded by light on a perpetual basis 🙂

    1. Laurie,

      Sometimes I can tell a story… I had to understand my own expectation, as they presented themselves! Other events are always presented themselves to develop from a negative to positive or positive in to a photograph of opportunity.

      “From the train” was taken through the dirty window, and most like at a low white balance that has cause it to look that way, there is a series of them along the route. Thank you for your comment.
      Light does surround you my lovely friend !
      I am Love, Jeff

  2. “On the bright side, there is less work, cost is cut down, letting me focus on other avenues of work and exhibits in the near future.” Jeff, it’s wonderful how quickly you found the bright side and didn’t resign yourself to disappointment! And I’m so glad you realized the big opportunity that presented itself, and that you helped to create by showing up, to be seen and exposed to other artists and galleries! Well done!

    Growth Question: My life, like most people’s, is full of disappointments. It may sound strange, but when I learned how to acknowledge it and just say so when I was disappointed, it took the sting out of it for some reason. When I was a kid I always tried to act like I wasn’t disappointed, that something didn’t bother me when it really did. Maybe I didn’t want people to know they could hurt me.

    1. Barbara,

      There is always a bright side… thank goodness, whether we take the time to be in it is another story, I choose to move into that light, and to embrace the opportunity.
      Funny, thing as a child I was not disappointed, in some way I always got what I wanted. Oy!

      I am Love, Jeff

  3. Jeff, I particularly appreciated the misty look from “In the Train.” Sounds like an eye-opening trip with some audacious art to behold!

    Ah, I am thinking it’s rare indeed for any eventual success not to be preceeded by disappointment and/or adversity. It’s up to us to stay the course and weather the storm.

    1. Sam,

      Wow so good to see you here, thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I know you are a busy man, I peruse your blog almost everyday…

      It is always fun to shoot/photograph from the train moving across the bridge in and out of the city… depending on the cleanliness of the windows and weather photographs emerge with different perspectives.

      Yes, as the say goes “no pain, no gain”. We learn from our ability to address our feelings…

      I am Love, Jeff

  4. I am always amazed when I find that I am not the central focus of other people’s attention . . . what do they mean by living their own lives and paying attention to themselves?! No one seems to be as interested in living my life as I am . . . I wonder what that’s all about. So, yes, Jeff, I have been to the land of disappointment many times, mostly in my venture with other humans. For some reason, I always knew what to expect with the Magic cat so my interactions with her were never a disappointment. You were so good to own your disappointment and get to the other side where the only person who had to meet your expectations was you.

    1. Barbara,

      What do you mean, we are not each the center of our own universe ??!! Really, ha ha!
      I did not really see it that way but now that you rub my feathers the wrong way I do! OY!

      I know what to expect from myself when I am centered and focused, in this case maybe I was not. No maybe about!

      I am Love, Jeff

  5. I couldn’t remember if I had replied to this or not. It doesn’t look like it. But you know what, Jeff? I think we are always in self-competition. I think it’s always about us…and other people reflect our indecision, our confidence, our fear, our joy, etc. However, I could equally say the opposite. It’s not about US at all. It’s about something larger than the small “I”. Gosh, words. It’s so hard to express ourselves clearly when everything dances in duality.

    1. Kathy,

      I understand completely your thoughts you have been here before. Yes the only person to compete and compare oneself to is oneself. Letting go, letting God.

      I am Love, Jeff

  6. sounds like you were in the flow on this day when so many things seemed to
    fall in place for you. I loved your growth question. I will have to copy that

    1. jen,

      Thank you for coming by the reluctant bloger! Always good to see you and hear from you! Your welcome to share or borrow what ever resonates with you!

      I am Love, Jeff

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