Has a purpose…

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. Elisabeth Kulber-Ross

I have to break my silence here just because I have to begin to understand why I have been so silent. Maybe through words the silence will reveal its lessons yet again maybe the lessons or re-membering will present it self at other times, in other places?

I started a blog a few days ago, and was interrupted by my friend Linda to go to Reading Terminal Market within the hour, I took her invitation to get me out of the house, to spend time with my friend, an opportunity to shoot some photographs (which I have not downloaded yet).  Since that time I have not had the full attention to finish that blog, yes it was saved in draft form. I started a blog on 1/12/11 and there it sit on my computer waiting to be thrown away or finished or incorporated into another, I hear it calling now. Yet I don’t know if it has a place here now or not?

I need to push through the fear, the emotionalist experience of the past few weeks, months. This is where the other blog fits in. I used a quote from Jeff Brown’s SoulShaping book, he shares a quote or two each day on Facebook.

“Although the journey home is often difficult, its also wondrous. On the materialistic treasure hunt, satisfactions are fleeting. On the inner treasure hunt, your satisfaction builds. It’s so beautiful to touch a new plateau of awareness, to view your self with a broadened lens, to shape your self with your own two hands. Every time I unravel a piece of my karmic thread, I feel the God-self come a little bit closer.. ” Jeff Brown

Yet I didn’t feel the God-self come a little closer or if I did, I ran and hid from that self.

Here are the words I wrote a month ago:

For days now I have been getting the message that I am waiting, waiting for what? I don’t know. When the moment arrives I will know that the waiting is over. I shared with Jeff Brown this morning and my friend linda yesterday that I have been on the bottom of the spiral for awhile, I took up a campsite somewhere on the base of this Mt that I can see, a path that has not completely cleared yet.  While being here I have searched, I have done what looks like nothing at times. I stopped doing what I was doing, yet looking for light within the shadows of mist and trees to guide me out. The light comes in forms of little messages like the above quote. I a voice in my sleep saying Hafis, I looked for some of his poetry, while in the library I was drawn to a book Western Approach to Zen, I began reading it and stopped. A couple of blogs shown light on my camp, one from Barbara K. “Thinking”  another from someone who wrote about H. D. Therou . On simplicity.

So here I am a month later reading to pack up camp, to shine my own light once again, to not only speak but to Be. That is the situation right there, the one I don’t want to admit. I desire to Be, I desire to have the experience not just talk about it.  I am a great sharer of information, and guidance but much of it feels and seems unreal to me. In AA or Recovery rooms that have a saying about walking the walk not just talking the talk. It seems I had gotten to a place that I was just talking the talk, yet I hiding the light from my own path afraid to walk on it, fearful I had to admit this to myself and to others. So there I have, I am lair and a cheat, I have no idea if anything of this stuff works, for to look at my Life/living one would say it does not. Did I call all of this emptiness to me, is this the life I want to live, is my expansion so awesome that it has sent me back into the darkness?  Or has the waiting, the isolation, the uninvolvement of social events giving me a new insight on how to Be in the world?  When I finally break camp, wander deeper into the wonder of life will I experience on a new level?

Seems to be more questions that answers. Did I figure out what I was waiting for, did the invitation arrive to move on?  Must have to a degree or I would not be here doing this now, I would not be opening myself up this way again, if the shadows are not behind me in some way, have I slay the Monster, no I think it only wounded, but enough to chase it back, enough allow my self to feel safe.

Growth Questions: Do we really slay those monsters that lurk in our darkness or do we learn from them?

I am Love, Jeff



12 thoughts on “Has a purpose…”

  1. Walking the talk is so important. There seems to come a time for all of us spiritual seekers where the need for action and integration becomes more important than the need to talk about it. I quit blogging about overtly spiritual things because I wanted to somehow SHOW the spiritual traits I had been yakking about forever. To show flexibility, compassion, love, joy… the fruits of our spiritual journey. Moving through fear is also a big one. Listening to our inner voices that shame us, frighten us, embarass us. It’s still sometimes hard when a cacophony of inner thoughts say, “How stupid can you be for writing or sharing that?” It’s easy to get lost in shame if we let those inner thoughts rule. Thanks for this thoughtful post, Jeff.

    1. Kathy,

      Thank you for the affirmation! I am grateful for your presence in my life. I so did not want to write this stuff, yet I so needed too!
      I am glad that you gleamed something from my “thoughts” !

      I am Love, Jeff

  2. Very breathtaking pictures, Jeff. They make me think of Emerson’s words: “I please myself with the graces of the winter scenery, and believe that we are as much touched by it as by the genial influences of summer.” (Nature) I love how you’ve captured the graces of winter scenery.

    The Kübler-Ross quote you cited is so appropriate for your thoughts today: “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” Even waiting at the bottom of your mountain for the right time to climb it. Winter is a good time to hibernate, I think, and the shadows of winter are very long. Perhaps spring is starting to stir in your heart now. We’re past winter’s halfway point. Maybe you’ve been more in harmony with nature lately. Maybe it’s just me, but I think falling in with the rhythms of the seasons is probably good for us.

    Growth Question: Do we really slay those monsters that lurk in our darkness or do we learn from them? I don’t think I slay mine, I think mine do come out each winter and I seem to learn a little more from them each time around…

    1. Barbara,

      How pleased I am to have my photographs cause you to think of words of Emerson’s! I stood in the midst of those tree one morning just after it snow and was over come with the deepest awesome feeling I have had in ages. Just stunned by the simple beauty of snow on sleeping trees… Stunned to tears!

      Yes Kubler-Ross quote spoke and pushed to move on… the trick is allowing myself to be ok with the ‘hibernation’ .

      I am glad you may have come to an agreement with your monsters!

      I am Love, Jeff

  3. I am glad you are ready to pack up camp Jeff. I wish I knew the answers to some of your great questions in this blog. Seems like you are moving through what must be done… taking your learning from knowing to being and back again. I think the path is clearing. There might be a bit of rubble at the entrance but this post tells me you have the strength to move it out of the way.

    Your second photograph seem to show the aloneness you are feeling while the last radiates renewal and growth. Nice done and welcome back to the world of blogging 🙂 Terrill

    1. Terrill,

      It was the biggest relief to let it flow… I am glad you got the “feel” of the photographs! It is truly good to be back in the world of blogging!

      I am Love, Jeff

  4. Jeff –

    Reading this blog post feels like stepping into a comfortable pair of slippers. I’m glad to drink in your photography again, and read what you have to share. Thank you.

    Growth Question: Do we really slay those monsters that lurk in our darkness, or do we learn from them?

    learn, Learn, LEARN

  5. Hi, Jeff — love that you have resurfaced and I am seeing/reading that you are uncovering more and more of who you truly are, and learning to live with that person. I was gifted with the idea today that not only do I matter, but because everything that exists has a message for us, I, too, have a message for others. I am breathless with the idea that I am a messenger and just a bit overwhelmed with that responsibility. What shall I do with my messages? What kind of messenger shall I be? You are a messenger, too.
    I wrote about monsters once. I will post the essay over on eternal presence. Mostly, we create our monsters. They are us, too.

    1. Barbara,

      Phew! I thought I was out here all alone doing my thing, yet here I see that you to have heard the message, and taken on the responsibility to “Be a messenger”. For we are messenger wether we are awake or not, Neale/God also ask, what kind of messenger are you, one of fear or one of love? ” I know that you have use this blog and the many other connections to inform yourself and others through your blog. Good for you!

  6. O, Jeff, Bravo! Yesterday my husband came into the room and asked what I was thinking so seriously. I said, “I am feeling something inside and it wishes an answer. The question is: Why behave like a statue!? Why not do whatever you wish! Is it fear of the fire? Fear of others?’

    I felt for myself that the mind projects too far ahead. That right now I am not afraid to do anything I wish. It felt it was just a matter of changing the gestalt. Which is a BIG change. To feel innocent and explore those possibilities of free movement, spontaneity.

    As in the other post we just shared on ‘acting’, I’m learning those demons to be deep exotic colors of an infinite personality to explore and absorb, embody. It hurts though. But in the pain, a wicked smile grows on my face, ‘I’m doing it.’ Live it all! Say, for example, lying on the bed with my heart and belly hurting, I say, “What character can this be? what is person feeling, what is the history, how can this be creative?” These powerful emotions I trace back to love. I love so much and in this love, I turn wild and in pain. All strong emotions traced back to love, somehow. – at least I feel this – even though they appear wicked.

    Thank you sooooooo much for sharing your blog! I am quite inspired! Very! And you ARE walking it!!!

    1. Che,

      Thank you so much for connecting to my blog, and thank you for your comments. I am grateful when I see your post on FB, for they always inspire or at lest turn up the fire within me… to know what I know and to know that sometimes I don’t know when I think I do.

      I am Love, Jeff

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