Make your own recovery the first priority in your life. Robin Norwood
My first thoughts was that I could and would write this morning, that the block had opened, the I felt different for the first time in weeks. Had I prayed for this you bet, had I reflected on why I was in the state I was in sure, had I any idea not it real tangible way. I consciously asked before sleep that this darkness pass, the block be undone. The message I received this morning was that the moment was right. To begin walking again. Walking in the light of spirit, with the winds of creativity lifting heart and hands to move beyond where I was. I realized I do not generally get colds or illness, yet I am overcome for weeks at a time with melancholy, depression, lack of interest, lack of trust and fear are my constant companions, and I have to welcome them for what ever reason. Had I made the wrong choices, went down the incorrect path, because all of a sudden the world became dark, and frightening to some degree.
A month or so ago, I was told by a healer, that I had spirits that lingered and that they caused much of the heaviness that I experience at times. That I needed to do ritual every so often to ask them to leave, which of course I had not done. Even writing this I feel some presence pushing, pulling at me, could be just ego rearing its impatience with me.
So when I sat at the computer this morning and it would connect to the internet I was like, Oh sure here we go, I have been lead to write and the path is block, yet it is only blocked by my own ability to see my options. Yes I like the wordpress.com’s ablitiy to word process, for I don’t have word on my computer, I have to use TextEdit whatever the heck that is? But it is a writing tool and usable to create a document in some fashion. At once I open ITunes to listen to music to set the correct tone, and that format had changed as well, yikes!
Yet what had not changed was my ability to write, to read the suggested principles in the Artist’s Way and the Rule of the Road, to set me on the path, along that path, flipping through the book, words and sentance caught me attention, shown light on places in my mind giving it much needed energy to once again breathe, to experience, to be awed by life itself. Not to dwell in the dark, empty world of facebook, and games, TV even though we now get Turner Movie Classic station, they are no subsitutes for “real” life, the roads into it, because I sat there yesterday afternoon watching a film about Our Lady of Fatima experiencing tears of joy and saddness all at the same time. The innocents of these children, their belief and faith inspite of the family and world thinking that had made it all up, the church and government fully against them, yet determined to see the Lady every month, and each month more and more people traveled miles to be in the presence of these childern and the “Lady”. I sat there as well wondering have we really listened to the “Lady’s” advice, do we still need to honor the “mother” for peace to have its way with us? Yes we do need to continue to honor the Mother, Gaia, the Mother of all Life, the giver of all life, it is in our child like belief to see Mother, in the frost on the ground, hear her voice in the bird that sings from the branch above, feel her caress in as the winds blow across your face, feel her life force in the breath we take each moment, along with the rest of the earth and universe.
A few weeks ago I recieved the next sections of the Life Harmony program “Self-Reflection” I read it, with the consciousness that I had read all of this before, had I? Yes. Yet it did nothing to help my state of mind or spirt only made me more discontent, saying to myself I am no more closers to the practice than I was months ago when I started, that I stopped doing all the suggested practices weeks before. Yet knowing during the summer I began to get more invovled in my life again, that I felt more energy, that I was eating healthier, I was getting more social, and in some ways more creative. The pages/blog where welcomed practices that informed, enlightented, energized, guided, and shared with my own ego and the world around me what the heck I was doing. It was a record of the path I had taken, the thoughts that I thought, the actions I had taken or the intentions I had to accomplished contiue on my journey to harmony. The path of “self-reflection” is lead by finding the balance in that balance “we enjoy qualities from the constructive side of self. These include feeling connected to our senses of insight, clarity, discernment and fulllillment of personal duty. We are open to unleased, unlimited, potential and possibility.” ( Life Harmony, Laurie Buchanan). Yet at the time I was not feeling these at all, I was completely off balance, I was experiencing negative effects which include, “self-absorption, feeling frustrated, nervous, energtically drained, fear, intolerence, impracticality, and melancholy.” (Life Harmony, L, Buchanan).
I have had to stop to breathe in the music of Joshua Bell, and Puccini: O Mio Babbino Caro from his Romance of the Violin! It has to be one of the most beautifull pieces of music I have heard in my life, as the tears stream down my face, and the emotion just wells with its beauty.
So I leave with the statement of what “Self-Relection” is:
I cultivate clarity
I am discerning; I exercise sound judgement
I trust my intuition and insights
I am more aware today thank I was yesterday
I am conscious and mindful
I approach life in a purposeful manner
I inspire others
I utilize positive thinking
I embrace the myseries that I encounter
I am courageous and ask “Why” and “Why Not”?
I am open to new ideas
I am secure with not-knowing
I function from a place of endless possibilities