You have nothing to learn about relationships. You have only to demonstrate what you already know. Conversations with God Bk 1
In the past few days I have been asked about relationships, and I certainly not an expert, and up front I just wish to state I have not been in what A Course in Miracles calls a “special” relationship for a long long time. The longest relationship I have had is with myself, re-discovering who I am is a full-time activity. It is not until I can be in a fully authentic, healthy, growing relationship with myself and my Higher Power that I will expand that experience to a special or romantic relationship. I will say here that I am closer to that now than I have ever been. Within that statement is the beginning of moving beyond the self-imposed victimhood, the self-imposed denial of a special/romantic relationship. For I desired to find out who I was in relationship to everything else in my life. How I respond or react to social, emotional, financial, physical situations, mostly I withdrew. I withdrew out of anger and fear, I withdrew because no one or nothing could live up to me expectations of them. For my expectations or ideals caused me great hurt, when they where suppose to be emanating Love. When I sought Love from the world around me, I was met with everything that did not look or act like love. I caused great grief and depression.
What I have learned through experience is that I have to Be Love, I have to come from a loving place whether others are loving or not. I have to find and experience the spirit in each and every situation, no I still don’t get there all the time but I know now how too, I know now when I am not there, when my expectations are leading the way, (ego) when I am seeking something from some one or something, and not just being fully present in the chaos and even joy to bring and be happiness. Asking myself is this who I am, is this who I desire to be at this moment, is this a loving thought or action, if not how can I Be more loving in this situation?
In the Book Conversations with God Book: an uncommon dialogue. Book 1, Neale Donald Walsch is in conversational dialogue with God, ( I know I hear your doubt or maybe I even hear your joy) this book to me has been the doors and windows to my soul, the light on my path, the scripture I keep returning to, the guidance I seek when I am off the path. Conversations with God (CwG) is a book about relationships, a book about how to be in relationships with yourself with your understanding of who and what God is to you, it is about our relationship with everything, it is about Oneness without ever saying so out rightly.
There is one chapter in CwG 1 that discussing “relationships” loud and clear. Chapter 8 in this chapter Neale ask what we all ask “Is there a way to be happy in relationships?” And God answers with this at the beginning, “Relationship are constantly challenging; constantly calling you to create, express, and experience higher and higher aspects of yourself, grander and grander visions of yourself, ever more magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully, and immaculately than in relationships. In fact, without relationships, you can not do it at all.”
These words sung to me, enlightened my path, all it’s defects, and imperfections, my experience with all my relationships, but first it destroyed all my notions of relationships, and many relationships I had to reevaluate, and many were left behind, so that the beauty and creativity of relationship could begin to inform and grow in grander and grander experience. My heart broke open, sadness and joy danced together, one informing the other, that a balance was the way to live in happiness.
So it was myself I had to put first, not in an egoic way for I had already walked that path, now was a time to find out who I was and it was not what I was told by others, because living my life the way I had lived thus far, in the world was the world lived by others, unconscious doing. CwG once again makes this statement and I think many, if not all people seeking, walking a spiritual path will need to ask and find out. God says; … determining what is best for you will require you to also determine what it is you are trying to do. This is an important step that many people ignore. What are you “up to”? What is your purpose in life”? Without answers to these questions, the matter of what is “best” in any given circumstance with remain a mystery.”
For now I am leaving the mystery to you to find out. My blog/morning pages have been about re-discovering who I am in relationship to myself, my creativity, and the world around me. For without walking that path, without being conscious relationships are unhappy and unfullfilling… Life is one of the most amazing adventures we experience on this plane, living in from the heart fully present is a blessing to all Life.
Growth question: Do you know what you life purpose is? Do you know what you are up to?
I am Love, Jeff