Integrating New Distinctions

Integrating new distinctions is often like building a muscle. When we first make the movement with the weight, it is perhaps awkward. Sometimes we get sore as a result of our efforts. However, sooner or later it becomes second nature, we increase our weight load and begin to take on ever more complex moves… Jason D, McClain

Rusty Red

It is within those complex moves that has caused me to become the reluctant bloger once again. The past week has been a week of shifting, a week of returning to old self behavior, behavior that does not serve my Higher Self but my ego. I reached out to comfort myself with food in the form of  sugar, in process food, that tasted good but blurred the edges of self. I also found comfort in hours of numbing TV shows, it is not so much the shows as the endless commercials that blind the senses, dull the mood, which I was seeking to get away from. Each morning I would wake up feeling depression sitting on my chest, overwhelming my mind, I did everything but write about it, I did everything the old behavior said would make me feel good. I did in a manner of speaking but the new muscles struggled with the weight of too much like being healthy, the habits had not become second nature. James McClain’s piece goes on to state

“It is the same with insight and integration. Integration is not an event. Integration is a process. A process worth every sore muscle encountered along the way, as the pay-off is not only fuller liberation, but the ability to contribute to others as an example of a life worth modeling.”

For some reason I began to doubt the process and whether it was worth my time and effort, it became more of a struggle then a way of life integrated within the everyday. Even to set here now became an effort, once I started to write the blog/pages, I had to reset my password, I had to find James McClain’s page to link his work. Than the dogs wanted to go for their second walk, everything felt like it was trying to sabotage getting this done. Writing my pages/blog is part of the creative process, part of the clearing, it is the planning, and accepting, it is the lifting the weights of ego and embracing spirit to dance in rhythm with each other not struggle. These two selfs are not separate by equal, they inform each other of what is and what was.

nut and blots

Laurie Buchanan, my coach,  once again in our mid-week check in suggested or observed that my behavior seems to shift when my Mother presence is present. I have sought to become more conscious of this shift in behavior, yet I have not come to any real conclusions as to why it happens. Not placing blame here, just making observations as well. The mind-set is mine, keeping my boundaries, keeping my sanity, in the energy of Mom.

My exhibit came down last weekend, I was a good run. I did not sell anything other than the one piece that sold during the reception. So I am looking into new space, new opportunities to exhibit, explore and challenge my art, my creativity.  In a few weeks, I will be joining the Philadelphia Photographic Society in which I will have more access to exhibits and artist. As well as my friend Lou sister Kathleen, started a group for mixed-media artist, sort a salon, to share about what is going, place to connect . I have also begun to attend a group I joined a year ago, and had not returned to since, a spiriting sharing and healing group in which we can share about our process and experience different forms of healing in a safe energetic space.

I heard from Vince at The Starting Point in Westmont NJ, we have a meeting set for Wednesday evening to discuss my plans for office space to begin my Reiki practice, and a few groups. I am truly looking forward to this expression of myself and my gifts.

I have also begun to be more involved with my Redbubble site, I have not done much there in the past few weeks or longer. I am not sure why, I was thinking though that this blog takes a bit of an effort to get together and spending time on the redbubble site got push aside, except for me commitment to co-host Candid Photography Group, which in some ways has suffered as well. It has been joyful to connect with my work again, and the work of so many wonderful artist. These are the places my well is filled, where inspiration is an energy that you can feel and take in.

Hinged II
There is much more going on than what is written above and in the next few days more will be revealed. As I truly begin to integrate life and spirit skills in spite of egos desire to hold on tight to the old, when the new is so much more enriching and joyful.
There is much more going on than what is written above and in the next few days more will be revealed. As I truly begin to integrate life and spirit skills in spite of egos desire to hold on tight to the old, when the new is so much more enriching and joyful.

Growth Question: Do your integration muscles get sore and you mind get numb from to much outside influence?

I am Love, Jeff

PS: Yes I know I have comments to respond to. Thank you everyone who has read and commented in the past week or so that I have yet to respond too. Your responses are part of the integration process.


8 thoughts on “Integrating New Distinctions”

  1. Hi, Jeff – I both empathize and sympathize with the struggle to move out of old habits and ways of being into new ones. My experience with the same sort of thing that you describe is that a part of me who DEPENDS upon the old behavior and feels threatened when I am letting go of the old behavior comes forefront in an attempt to get my attention. Because it seems like this does happen to you when your mother is around, I would say it is a child who did not get what he needed from his mother. My experience has also been that you can give that child what he needs. It sounds to me like he is seeking comfort (food) and he has turned his anger inward causing depression. Okay, enough of channelling Sigmund Freud (he and I share a birthday).

    On another note, I am hoping to pay a visit to Vince at Starting Point sometime at the end of September or early October. I need to write a magazine article featuring his philosophy of therapy.

    1. Barbara,

      Thank you stopping by the reluctant bloger! My experience with my is one of not enough, or one of not good enough no matter what I have attempted to do. Her approval has never been full practiced by her. And I have had a very co-dependant relationship with her, in more ways than I would like to admit.

      Well let me know when you come up for a visit I would love to meet with you!

      I am Love, Jeff

  2. Jeff –

    1 – Not just the actual photography itself, but the creative process behind the photographs in this blog is superb!

    2 – Notice the verbs in this blog; the ACTION that’s stirring the pot:
    “I also found …”
    “I would wake up …”
    “I did everything …”
    “I began to doubt …”
    “Once I started to write …”
    “I had to reset …”
    “Writing my pages/blog …”
    “I have sought …”

    and so on. action, Action, ACTION! That’s good. That’s healthy.

    Growth Question: Do your integration muscles get sore and you mind get numb from to much outside influence?

    I recently shared on Kathy’s blog (Lake Superior Spirit — that my wabi-sabi lifestyle keeps that “outside influence” at a minimum:

    “My creative muse is wabi-sabi, a practice where inessentials are trimmed away or eliminated. The intersection where wabi (minimal) and sabi (functional) meet is the platform for my creativity—quiet solitude. I believe that creativity is the outward expression of our connection to Divine Love.”

  3. Laurie,

    Thank you for visiting and for the wondrous observations of healthy actions! My thought is sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see the language or the attitude of action, so there for it is a good experience to have others observe and comment.

    Yes, I am very aware of your practice of wabi-sabi! How many times I have had it in mind to create that space and yet find it over come with “stuff”! Your guest blogging on Kathy’s blog was and is wondrous!

    I am Love, Jeff

  4. I remember reading somewhere a few years ago that TV viewing creates the same sorts of soothing brain waves that some drugs do. Another form of self-medicating for depression and anxiety. Which is why watching TV can be so addictive.

    Joining the Photographic Society of Philadelphia and starting up your Reiki practice sound exciting! It sounds like you’re managing the growing pains of complex moves, shifting, insight and integration. The journey is worth the effort, and I’m sure you learn something even on the detours…

    These are fantastic photographs and the titles you choose for them seem to resonate with what you’re going through now. Kind of makes me want to take a photography class some day to learn how you do it! The nuts and bolts of life…

    1. Barbara,

      I think you are right about the mind numbing effectives of TV and its addictive pull! Oy Vey!

      I like this line from you “managing the growing pains of complex moves, shifting, insight and integration.” As I wrote to Laurie above, it is through others observation that we can begin to view ourselves in a different light!

      Thank you Barbara. Have a great weekend!

      Are there copies of your grandmothers photographs? I would love to see some!

      I am Love, Jeff

      1. My grandmother developed her pictures onto slides and presented many slide shows in the barn behind her house. My uncle gave me her whole collection after she died! Sadly, at the end of her life she was suffering from dementia and her attempts to organize her work resulted in a jumbled mess. Some day, perhaps after my father dies, I want to get them all sorted out and digitized. No doubt I’ll put some of them online for you to see!

  5. Jeff
    Thanks for sharing your actions, struggles, and challenges with others.
    When I was doing the program, looking back I had not much support or anyone I could share mine with, as journaling was not really my thing and I had not found blogging yet.
    I struggled with the fact that perhaps some things that i percieved were not normal and if I changed or adjusted my perception, I might find the responses from others to be different.

    Blogging is a great thing, to try to sort these things out and really understand what is and has been happening. For example the TV question, I grew up watching TV all the time. Now I do not really watch it at all, as evidenced in this weekend. Mike and Joe are in Iowa and I only turned the TV on a couple times, otherwise Oreoz and I just talk to each other. Amanda was also home for last night and this morning. We had a nice breakfast without the TV. Unfortunately Mike and Joe are different, they have the TV on all the time, even if they are not really watching it. It is the first thing that comes on in the morning, rather than kissing the wife! Pardon the small pun..

    Changing those old patterns are the biggest challenges out there, as I face it every day in what I do, I am the bearer of news that certain practices, processes, and actions need to changed to facilitate our adherance to regulatory agencies, although the employees understand what is needed, the change part is the thing they see as the threatening thing and try to meet the standard by changing as little as possible to get by.

    I myself am looking up the word “intimidating” tonight so I can apprpopriately see how I can change that perception of others might have of me when I am at work. Like things like, “Here comes Kim, somethings up”……

    Take Care and have a realing weekend.


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