Look and you will find it – what is unsought will go undetected. Sophocles
This morning has been an unusual one. It seems that I have been out of my consciousness, as I walked in the woods this morning I had to stop and be in the woods, for I was there physically but I was not present in my mind and I was not aware that I was anywhere, I was not thinking anything, I was just drawn into the wood. I had brought the camera, yet nothing else had change much, yet I was drawn back to the stream and small puddle where the Turtle I had come across because of Muffin’s reaction while she was seeking to find a some water. The first time I did not have the camera yesterday, and the second time because I figure the turtle had moved on, yet there it was, so later in the day I did take the camera and turtle was still hanging out in its little pool of muddy water… yet this morning I was drawn back to that spot once again, it is the same spot where I have encountered the Great Horned Owls! According to Turtle Medicine “Turtle can help lead us to that space where we can finally move on, to let go of what has been, celebrate it for the gifts it gave us and finally to turn and head for a new shore. Turtle people themselves often feel that their life is an endless series of endings and new beginnings, that like the tides, their lives are constantly in flux and they must learn to shift and tack as the current carries them along.”
I don’t find this so in my life but the Turtle showing up may be just that, informing me to create the new space to move on, to but in to practice my healing and shamanic teachings. For my sister had come home yesterday and informed me that the little restaurant up the road was hiring experienced servers. Sis could be informing me because she wants me out of her way, or time to begin to pull more of my own weight in adding to the financial flow of the house. That house keeping is just not enough. Or because she cares as well, to have me working. Yet my thoughts have been once again about the space in the garage, to clean in out, and make studio living space for me and the dogs. I have also considered approaching the center where I worked before I went to Easton Mt, about renting an office there. I considered this paths when I first came home and something stopped me, yet it has been the path that has been on my mind for sometime now, the fear and self-esteem seem to cause me to balk at accomplishing.
Yesterday I wrote about the opportunities that I am aware that I have not taken advantage of a Shaman circle that meets about a half hour away from here, I met this women the first year I came home, yet I have not found my way there. I also was introduced to a spiritual healing circle/meet up that I attended once, the experience was awesome, yet I was not sure I was ready to move into that “higher” space, plus I felt some spiritual superiority about these people, that the personalities were too raw, their practices too new and uninformed. I have also put off attending some of the Reiki sharing events that happen every month due to excuses of not wanting to drive that far, I did not want to spend the $10 or whatever for the practice of sharing. Yet it is time to place all of that on my daily weekly practice, to be informed, to be in the energy of healing and recovery.
There is a paragraph from The Artist’s Way that spoke to me this morning, resonated with something deep within me. It says, “Many of us have made a virtue out of deprivation. We have embraced a long-suffering artistic anorexia as a martyr’s cross. We have used it to feed a sense of spirituality grounded in being good, meaning superior.
I call this seductive, faux spirituality the Virtue Trap. Spirituality has often been misused as a route to an unloving solitude, a stance where we proclaimed ourselves above our human nature. This spiritual superiority is really only one more form of denial. For an artist, virtue can be deadly. The urge toward respectability and maturity can be stultifying, even fatal.”
I need to breathe through these words, I need to meditate from that place to see if I have truly rationalized my spirituality into a superior behavior, part of me knows it is so true. That I have denied myself social contact because I find many others lacking in any spiritual intelligence (funny, here I am trying to be intelligent and I could not even spell the word). I have denied myself fun and play because I believe fun and play has no place in being spiritual, or at least some part of me does.
Once again is about balance, it is about finding the spaces, situations, people that I can be myself with, I can be authentic, yes we move beyond some people once we move into recovery of our true selves, our artist, our Higher being, yet to idea is to attract those beings that dance with your essence, vibrate with your energy, that encourage and support each other in friendship and creativity.
I think I could go on and on, for I think I am on to something here… a shift in perspective, a shift in behavior of opening up more, expanding and exploring! Yet the thought process is getting muddled, the clarity is misty over.
Growth Question: This one is a seek and find. What came up for you while reading this blog?
I am Love, Jeff