God, direct my thinking. Keep it free from self-pity, dishonesty, and self-seeking. If i face indecision today, grant me inspiration, an intuitive thought, or decision. Then I’ll relax and take it easy.
Show me what my next step is to be. Gave me what I need to take care of problems. Keep me free from self-will. Remind me to pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. I am no longer running the show. Thy will be done. Big Book p. 86-87
I was handed this prayer at an AA meeting I attended last evening with a friend who had ask me to go with him to his first meeting. The prayer was created from words from the Alcoholics Anonymous book which is call the Big Book. Not necessary a prayer but laid out in a creative way and given the title Morning Prayer created by a fellow AA as a gift to member of her home group to encourage and remind them to stay on the path. This prayer is a very nice gift. The gift spoke to me as I contemplated what to write this morning in this blog/pages. I had read it before going to bed and placed the card on my altar among the other sacred things gathered there. I felt there was an appropriate place for card/prayer to gather and share the energy of the other sacred items that grace the altar in foot of my bed.
It spoke to me because I have been making some bad choice or maybe unhealthy choices, emotionally and spiritually. In this weeks chapter in the Artist’s Way, I was supposed to be having a Reading Deprivation week, no reading, right, I would never get my brain/mind/spirit activated if I did not read. Reading is a form of communication because much of my communication is done on Facebook or email, and blogs. Yet my distraction was more the TV and anything else. I found myself endlessly mind bogginglly sitting in front of the it mesmerized, bored, yet watching like an accident on the highway! So I need to deprive myself of the mindless watching of the TV not necessarily depriving myself of reading. Yet here is what the chapter has to say. “It is a paradox that by emptying our lives of distractions we actually filling the well. Without distractions, we are once again thrust into the sensory world. With no newspaper to shield us, a train becomes a viewing gallery. With no novel to sink into (and no television to numb us out) an evening becomes a vast savannah in which furniture-and other assumptions get rearranged.”
So I have to ask myself what the heck was I hiding from? Why did I have need to numb myself ? It may have to do with as my last blog/pages discussed my not showing fully when my mother is present in my life in physical, day-to-day world. Speaking of that she has just come back for a week or so to attend a friends 80th Birthday. So I have to be mindful of who I am and who I become in her presence. Yet in the past few days even without her here I have not shown up, not really. I wish I had a dozen things to write about, adventures, outings, etc, I do not. I got nothing!
Nothing expect for my attendance of a meeting with a friend. To go beyond my own self indulgence, take the hand that reached out and guide him to sobriety . Reminding myself of where I came from, how it was, and what it is like now. After years of walking the path of sobriety ever mindful I am one drink away from a drunk. One thought away from the insanity of alcoholic thinking behavior. Much of the Artist’s Way is base on the path of the program of AA, finding our places of blockage, sharing about them in “morning pages”, creating and finding the affirmations that guide and direct us to a sense of wholeness, of sense of our relationship with our Higher Power, good orderly direction, in which I don’t seem to have been going in the past few days. Finding and being with supportive people who encourage, who inspire to be present to find out how they live their lives one day at time to accomplish the everyday stuff let alone the creative. Not saying the living and being fully present everyday is not being creative, for it is, the questions lie in whether it is creative in a positive or a negative way? Moving forward, getting the furniture and assumptions rearranged is a positive direction when done from within.
I had to make myself go out side and set in the cabana with the dogs at my feet keeping guard, while I eat my breakfast, and read sections of chapter 4 Recovering the sense of integrity as well as some of Life Harmony yet while doing that I kept hearing the voice saying, you need to stop, you need to listen, just be with what your read, just be with yourself, breathe, breathe, feel the cool morning breeze, hear the birds, hear your heart speak. And than go write.
I did almost get distracted my messages, but I flowed around that. For once I finish writing I can conscious fully respond to comments from the last blog, from message on facebook.
Growth Question: What are your unconscious distractions?
I am Love, Jeff