“Whatever God’s Dream about man may be, it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates.” Stella Terrill Mann.
I have to write or this will be all lost in the ether of misty dreams or wonderings. I was have a dream just before I awoke this morning. I was traveling to Texas, no reason why, I do have cousin’s there who I have not ever met.
So I was traveling on a highway, going alone and I had a sense I needed directions and a break from driving, I pulled into this place, the outside I have on recollection of but the inside was an old train station, with shops around the edges, and counter’s and booths in the center. There were people milling about but then I realized they where all men, on later inspection, gay men, in all shapes and sizes, style of dress, some in causal everyday cloths, some in drag, others as cowboys and random other assorted costume that convey who one shows their world.
I was getting attention, men were looking around at me, talking to their friends but greeting me as I walked through the space, gaining my center, seeking food and directions, as well as friendship alone the road. I recall a few men being flirty and very friendly, and I was getting along with them rather well. May have had even some intimate moments, and then something shifted, the intimacy were over and people began telling me what they thought of me.
One guy who seemed to mean more to me the others, after some time came over the me and ask if we could talk. I said sure. So he proceeded to tell me that on first meeting me he thought, I was very nice and attractive, yet there is a sense of aloofness, arrogance about you. It hurt to hear but it is not the first time I have been confronted with those descriptions of my behavior or being.
So upon waking and walking the wood with the dogs my mind linger on this, what was the message, here, am I these adjectives that people tag on me? Is there a fine line between arrogance and self-assurance, aloofness and healthy detachment ? How about the difference of being preachy and offering suggestions or guidance?
Or are these behaviors self protection to keep people at a boundary that is safe for my personality and being? Now I have got to far into this and I am not sure that there are any real answers as of yet. Maybe more questions, having to do with self-defining, clarity about who I am compared to who others my perceive me to be without getting through the surface, without having a “real” conversation or a heart to heart moment with each other.
Aloofness verses observer, arrogance verses self-assurance, ego verse confidence, truthfulness verses honesty, preachy verses guidance. The word verses is not what I want here but the one that presented it self first, what I which to convey is the other side of the coin, the more enlightened, more healthy approach to being authentic. I know in my heart who I am, I know in my soul/spirit who I am. If perception of another conveys not that, than it may be their reflection being projected and felt? Since this was a dream and dreams about the person dreaming, the message it from a part of me that desires to share another part of me. Why it is presenting it self now I am not certain? I could be due to the up coming Art exhibit, it could be because I have been seeking more social activities that define me, that are of interest to my well being and creative purpose.
Growth Question: Is what people think of you important to your well being? Or a way to reflect your self back to you?
I am Love, Jeff
the reluctant bloger 
Jeff – What an interesting dream! And that you remembered so much of it, in detail – wow! Do you ever “leave” when you sleep. I’m not so sure that I’m there (in my body, in my bed). Oftentimes when I wake up I feel as though I’m just slipping backing into my body upon returning (from somewhere).
Growth Question: Is what people think of you important to your well-being? Or a way to reflect yourself back to you?
I certainly enjoy being regarded well, but I’m not held hostage by what other people think.
P.S. “Dreams in lavender” is astounding!
Starting at 9am my time I’m going to work offline for the rest of the day to meet my deadline. Have a wonderful 4th of July!
Laurie, I kept holding on to the dream, yet I had chores to do first, and more and more of it kept slipping away… into too much thinking. I am not sure if I have ever felt as if I have left my body while dreaming? Dreaming is a more regular thing now that I have shifted my diet to more whole foods based manner. Hmm?
“Dreams in Lavender” turned out special, I did not like it at first, the color seemed off, but it has its own presence…
Write write! Holding your creativity in my energy !
I am Love, Jeff
Hi Jeff
Wow what a dream and lots to think about.
I tend to think too much about how other percieve me, however in recent months I have said:
Be yoursel! No one can tell you are doing it wrong!!
We are all love—
Kim
Kim,
Good for you! Being yourself is a powerful experience to have!
I am Love, Jeff
Happy 4th !!!
I like all the photos Jeff but “Misty Green” was the one that pulled me in. I would have picked that one almost blueberry and eaten it in anticipation of what is to come.
Your question Jeff is one that has haunted me. My feelings get hurt easily and I remember negative feedback so much better than all the good stuff. I must remind myself to not to put too much weight on it (sometimes literally by stuffing it down with too much food). I practice having distance… what part of this do I own and what part is only partially correct and what part is no longer the story I tell about myself?
Misty Green was a bit questionable to me at first, I set with it for awhile, it grew on me.
It seems those darn blueberry’s only want to ripen one at a time.
Thank you for you honest response to the growth question Terrill! Learning to detach is a process of growth, yet still being fully present to allow for the growth to inform us that it has happened.
Jeff
Thanks
Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridges to bow for the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water looking out
in different directions.
back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
looking up from tables we are saying thank you
in a culture up to its chin in shame
living in the stench it has chosen we are saying thank you
over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the back door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks that use us we are saying thank you
with the crooks in office with the rich and fashionable
unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you
with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is
From the Rain in the Trees, by W.S Merwin, copyright© 1998 by W.S. Merwin.
Lou,
Thank you for sharing this poem/prose with us! Being Grateful/thankful is a lesson I have come to learn and still evolving!
Jeff
Yes and No…. what people think of me is only a reflection of there thinking and many people will have a different takes on you, which ones are true? only you can decide what rue and whats an illusion.
The sad fact you can’t change peoples minds regardless of what you do, we are multi-dimensional beings that no one can grasp are true nature.
So Be Happy and Be you, someone loves you
Lou
Lou,
The power lies within us to accept what is, know what is true for us. And honor those who honor themselves.
I am Love, Jeff
The color in “Dreams in lavender” is so lovely, the lavender is almost blue, at least on my computer screen. (It amazes how different colors look from computer screen to computer screen…) And I bet a bird will claim that blueberry before anyone can see it ripe! 🙂
I’d like to add one more “difference” to your list of things to balance. Flirting vs. being friendly. That area of human interaction that has always baffled me with confusing messages.