Is there a choice

drying leaves

“No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer It has chosen.” Minor White

Is there a new blog awaiting to be written? I don’t know! I have had many thoughts flood through my mind yet nothing seemed appropriate to write about. This is also your morning pages so you can write anything, that is what the morning pages are for. The first “rule of the road: Show up at the page. Use the page to rest, to dream, to try.” So here I am trying, which I have not been able to do for two days, I have been totally stuck some place. As much as I wanted to write I could not, and would not. I have been completely veggin out, getting nothing done, eating to fill a void, ignoring the world, except one I viewed from the TV or in the fantasy book I am reading. Reality did not wish to show it self to me. I even took my camera many times while on out walks and felt attracted to nothing. The dogs seem to have a mind of their own and run off to chase and kill groundhogs. So I have to figure out which way they went, sometimes in two different directions, distracting me from the view around me.

Stars in the grass

Today though I am hoping for a new state of mind, seeking to choose new thoughts, more affirmative actions. I did take a few photos on our first early morning walk. Wild Grape leaves, details of Queen Anne Lace, seed pods of Sorrel, and wild grasses that are seeding that caught my attention in the light and shadow of early morning.

All in vein

So what am I hiding from? Is my ego so frightened of change, is change or growth that frightening that it will not allow me to pursue my dreams, so egoic that it wants to stay stuck here in this pit of morose behavior. This all started after I finished the last blog/pages, I had an anxiety attack, like I had been sat on, in the middle of my chest/Solar Plexus “wherever we experience conflict, this is where it is felt.” according to Reiki and the Seven Chakras. So what is the conflict. That I enjoyed myself last weekend, and here is another weekend and I have not had personal contact with anyone since. I think the first blow came when I viewed photographs of someone else’s of the Dyke March. They were awesome! Amazing work, I sat there stunned by what I saw, and was jealous in a way but also knew better. Yet I have not viewed my photographs of the event as of yet, so I have been knock off my path a bit. I have never doubted my work before, ever. So I have had to rethink my work, and my creativity. hmm?  The Reiki and the Seven Chakras states, “these are old polarised views of power. We need to learn to be powerful without dis-empowering others.” Or in my case myself.

One of the basic principles in the Artist’s Way which is an affirmation, “The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.” With that in mind no wonder I have struggled, I have avoided myself, my true nature with mind numbing TV and sugar and empty calorie food stuffs. Not completely but more than I had been for the last few months. It has been like I was afraid to open the books, do the work, admit that I had weakened, in some way or another. Oh yeah that makes my human doesn’t, oh darn, human again! Yes but this is where affirmations come into play, offering a place of safety and hope, a sense of pride. I am a wonderful prolific photographer. I capture moments, that are moments of beauty and fun. I am a wonderful photograph who has no fear. I am a wonderful creative photographer with light and shadow. As a photographer I can learn from others work, to fill the well, to be inspired, to encourage my child to grow and feel safe.

about to be free

Hey it is even creative to write nice things about yourself, to create a place of play and safety to get out of the funk, to breathe through the mood to cleanse and smooth the path out allowing spirit to heal and inform.

Another thing I have to admit; I seem to be attracted to someone! He is on my mind more often than not. From the first time I met him a year ago, I have been interested in connecting with him on more personal level. There is a coffee date in the air but just has not come to reality as of yet. So what are you waiting for?  Thought, word, and deed!

Growth Question: Did you ever know you may desire one thing and something else is happening?

I am Love, Jeff

Photographs for sale

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3 thoughts on “Is there a choice”

  1. Jeff – I really like this statement of yours:

    “Hey it is even creative to write nice things about yourself, to create a place of play and safety to get out of the funk, to breathe through the mood to cleanse and smooth the path out allowing spirit to heal and inform.”

    Growth Question: Did you ever know you may desire one thing and something else is happening?

    Many years ago I very much desired a healthy, full-term pregnancy. But something else happened, I had a miscarriage. In the years that have passed, I have been able to use that very experience to “walk a mile in those shoes” (so to speak) with female clients. When I say, “I understand” they know that it’s not just words. I do, indeed, understand.

  2. Jeff I like how you showed up anyways… even after a two day break, even not knowing what to write. I could feel you finding your way with every word and the incredible images appear, partly hidden, tempting me to look further with you.

    Growth Question: Did you ever know you may desire one thing and something else is happening? Oh! I hate it when that happens! Seriously, I seem to only be able to manage an intent and then I release the details to possibility. I never seem to manage much more than that.

    Thank you Jeff. In coming home to you… you provide a precious space for me to be at home with me.

  3. Jeff, my first reaction to your post was: forget the words! Your stunning photographs say everything that needs to be said! But I know what you mean about anxiety attacks after posting…

    You’re probably familiar with Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata.” One of the verses that it helps to meditate on is: “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than
    yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.”

    You certainly are a wonderful prolific photographer, even if you are only too human. 🙂 But it’s the imperfections that can make life interesting.

    Did I ever know I may desire one thing and something else is happening? Hmmm… I think right now I desire to lose weight and it seems I am going in the opposite direction. This started two and a half years ago after Tim’s nearly fatal heart attack and then my father’s falling and breaking his hip, pelvis and femur and becoming bedridden the following month. And then my son was diagnosed with diabetes the month after that. He nearly died from an antibiotic resistant infection in his face. 2007 was a terrible year! Guess I’m still not handling the stress too well. Struggling along.

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