“Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about…. Say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe.” Rumi
Did I know this about myself all my life, that I was an artist, and have not been able to access that creative spirit until now fully? Through out my life I have sought creative outlets, a child I did not play cowboys and indians, or soldiers, or even sports. I played house, I played dress up with my sisters Barbie’s. I remember going to the local pharmacy to peruse the selves to find the perfect gift for whomever I was buying for, taking my time, having the lady at the counter wrap in professionally for me, after I was given a choice of wrapping to select from.
As a teenager in high School I was in the musicals, dancing, I thought I wanted to act but never did, I dance in the background. I was also considered one of the best dress boys in the whole high school. My parents spoiled me at took me to one of the best men’s stores in Philadelphia, Boyds still one of the country’s exclusive men stores!
Later in life I worked in department stores and restaurants in which I had the opportunity to dress well. Part of it was a statement of who I was, as well as making a statement. Now I don’t even have a suit, I can afford the restaurants or stores I once worked and would not buy in that main stream shops. I am sure there are many many other instances of the creativeness that sought to expand/evolve through the years but was lost in the pursuit of Love and relationships, drinking was clouded much of 20 years or so of the creative juice, even thought I maintained a job and am home, begun my own catering business from our apartment. Which all fell apart once I began to get sober, and the focus was on me, not taking care of a cheating partner, not playing house, not giving myself away until I was clear and conscious of who and what I was in relationship to my recovery and my Higher Power!
The most wonderful experience of getting sober was to once again re-discover a relationship with God/Spirit/Higher Power. Because getting sober and staying sober and being sober was not going to happen without the building of the relationship with something stronger the my ego and drinking. I had to let go and let God, I had to admit I was powerless, and to find my power. The power I gave away, to alcohol, to relationships, to jobs that were demeaning and not worth the talent I offered.
My friend and fellow blogger has been working on powerlessness so maybe this is where my thoughts are coming up around all of this? It is always good to be reminded to keep things simple. Also the fact that in 7 days God willing I will be granted 21 years of sobriety ! yet this is not what this blog and or pages began as it began as thoughts of creativity, of the artist that is within us all,” before the beginning of the universe”. And how to continue to say yes to the creative spirit, the speaks, that sings, that dance and caresses me each moment, with each thought and action when and if I pay attention. It speaks in the whisper of the wind, it sings in songs of the birds, it enters through the senses as a fragrance, or the light of morning mist and evening gloaming of sunset.
I thought I wanted to write about purpose and mission and or passion before I move on to the next section of Life Harmony work Self-Definition which is described as “the self that nurtures our sense of belonging and enables us to maintain our personal power…. When self-definition is in balance we enjoy qualities from the constructive side…. these include a sense of purpose, optimism, good humor, and healthy boundaries…”
From those statements and most of all from the line “a sense of purpose” I need to make a statement in my mind/heart/soul what my purpose is. In the last section of Life Harmony “Self-Gratification” “this self enables us to make changes in our lives through personal choices that effect pleasure. In balance we enjoy qualities such as happiness, enthusiasm, sociability and self-assuredness.”
This the area in which we look take interest in what we do with “our gifts, skills and talents in order enrich our life and the those in our sphere of influence.” I thought I had already used those gifts and talents, yet maybe not as conscious as I am beginning to, as well not using them in a co-dependant way. A few years ago when I went back to college to receive my BA in Psychology and began to form some thoughts around what and how I wished to use this degree. It was a legal document that offered an in road and professionalness to incorporate my Reiki Master Practice, my teachings as a Shaman, my sense of healing the planet through my photography. My Business cards even read Nature Spirit Healing Photography, I think you can even google that and find me there.
So my purpose is to use those talents and skills to be a messenger. Using healing, creating of wisdom and knowledge to myself and those around me as my mission. Much of this got stuck when I came to NJ from upstate NY. My mission and purpose was clear at first and I even pursued it for a shot while but somewhere or somehow along the way I retreated in to my cave of self doubt and fear. Wrapped around my experience of wounds created from my need to be accepted and encouraged by my peers while living in community where I was rubbed raw of all my healthy spirit, it seemed and I brought that into my life here in NJ as I began to venture out into social and professional situations. Not that I received discouragement, in fact I did not. I was welcomed home, I was encouraged to begin my Reiki practice and received my Masters Training my first year home. I even joined the Salem County Art League to connect and build my creative circle. But everything seem to have come to a screeching halt sometime last summer and through the winter. That is when I began to seek a wider circle of assistance and awaking with The Artist’s Way, and Life Harmony Programs because I knew I could no longer stay stuck, I knew I could no longer stay healthy without the guidance, encouragement of others who walk their talk and talk their walk…
My Creativity heals myself and others
My Creativity heals myself and others
My Creativity heals myself and others
My Creativity heals myself and others
My Creativity heals myself and others
Growth Question: Has your creativity always been a part of you ? When did you notice that creativity was a part of your being?
I am Love, Jeff
Photographs my be viewed and purchase here
the reluctant bloger 
So many thoughts came to me, Jeff, as I read your blog today. Most of all, that it was nice to get to know you a little more and to understand who you are a bit better. And the delightfully distracting photography! You’ve found the beauty all around your place of dwelling, exquisite nature images that I’m sure no one would otherwise see.
Your story reminds me of Eric Clapton’s autobiography and his struggle with creativity and alcoholism. We’ve got a number of “functioning” alcoholics in our families, it makes me wonder sometimes about the link between them. I’ve learned that alcoholics are often attempting to self-medicate depression. And I wonder if the depression stems from a crushed creative spirit. I’m sure there are many other factors, but I see this link play itself out over and over again.
That’s the trick, too, to use our gifts, skills and talents in a meaningful, but not co-dependent, way. I think everyone struggles to keep this in balance, sometimes well and other times we get stuck and find ourselves in a rut. Again. Maybe because life is a spiral we keep revisiting problems we once thought we had worked through. As Bob Samples puts it:
“Selfish is an exploitation of others for self; selfless is an exploitation of self for others. Both are extrinsic. ….. Selfness. When selfness prevails, the qualities of others are sometimes used for self and the qualities of self are often extended to others. The basic and key difference is that exploitation is never the object of the outcome.”
(The Metaphoric Mind: A Celebration of Creative Consciousness)
Barbara R.
It was truly amazing how all of this flowed today. It came out of nowhere, also out of the quote of Rumi’s and my desire to understand if I knew what my “purpose” is. One event lead to another. Sharing my journey offers me insight into where I have been, where I have gone, and where I am still planning to go, with purpose and mission as my guide.
Thank you for you wondrous comment, thank you for trusting me enough to share your family’s journey here making a link to depression, one may lead to one to another.
I am Love, Jeff
“. . . in 7 days God willing I will be granted 21 years of sobriety . . .” Wow – good for you. God created the earth in 7 days and the age of 21 is the age of being an adult no matter what state you are in. What a superb time of growth for you. This is such an interesting story about your journey back to your creativity and talent. The question I would be asking myself would be “why did I choose to be born with this gift?” That’s where I would find my purpose. You are a gifted photographer and drawn to the healing arts. I think your life is finding you.
Barbara K.
Ah ha another mile stone, I am now a adult recovery addict, ha ha!
Writing the pages as a blog is an open public forum which creates a major shift in my authenticness I hope!
Thank you for your encouragement and comments!
I am Love, Jeff
Jeff – it’s been a doozie of a day (in a good way), and my last client (elderly, not very mobil) on on-site (as opposed to in-office). I’m the only health professional I know (besides hospice) who still makes house calls — and I love it.
Your post today brought a smile to my heart twice today. When I first read it this morning (but didn’t have time to respond), and again this evening as I’m winding down with my cuppa hot lemon water.
I love your affirmation — “My creativity heals myself and others.” Amen!
Growth Question: Has your creativity always been a part of you ? When did you notice that creativity was a part of your being?
I’m pretty sure my creativity has always been a part of me. I started unleashing it when I was about seven (at least that’s my first remembrance). My grandpa was a double-amputee (legs). I started working with his ‘stumps’ about that time. I was fascinated with the way energy flowed from those traumtized areas to/through my hands. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I knew that something was happening, and so did he.
Laurie,
Thank you for coming by twice, and your comments of course always make my heart glad that you left your heart prints!
Wow, began energy work at 7, you where blessed with awareness early!
I am Love, Jeff
Peace and Love
Lou,
Thank you for stopping by!
Jeff, I was filled with emotion and by the time I got to “And how to continue to say yes to the creative spirit, the speaks, that sings, that dance and caresses me each moment, with each thought and action when and if I pay attention. It speaks in the whisper of the wind, it sings in songs of the birds, it enters through the senses as a fragrance, or the light of morning mist and evening gloaming of sunset.” And that was it – my tears surface with appreciation for who you are and who you are becoming.
A warm cyber- hug for our humanness and the power of vulnerability. I am ever so grateful to have you as part of my virtual community:)
Terrill,
I am extremely touched by your response in words and of your emotional connection to the words I used to express myself. It makes the light shine that much brighter, the path that much more sure.
Gratefully returning your (((Hugs)))! Our virtual community is a powerful circle of support, encouragement, and creative healing!
I am Love, Jeff